GPS Equals Muckery

Ever feel like your Nav is laughing at you?...

What is it about GPS that requires you need a PHD to actually use the stinking thing? I swear it's like the mad scientists who came up with the whole GPS idea spent too much time in Colorado worried about passing the law to allow legalization of marijuana or something because most of the time they just don't work.

Okay, well maybe it could be operator error, or maybe it's the blonde Greek thing.  Which in my world means I can be a bit dramatic and a little "challenged" when it comes to technology to say the least.  I would love to have my own personal full-time 24/7 techie-minion.  You know, someone who can make all my technology muckery go away.  Considering I'm on my 5th or even 6th iPhone I am stilly having enough a hard time working the dang thing.  You would think by now I would get it.  But no, those so-called "geniuses" had to go and change the Apps for the iPhone and come up with some cockamamy concotion they call "maps".  Have you tried this thing yet?

What makes it worse is that I think the same "geniuses" worked on a scheme for VW built into GPS to make my life all that more difficult.  Did they not think about the fact that if "texting" and driving is a bad idea - using GPS while driving is probably not a good move either...  Hello?  Even the Blondie over here gets that.

So picture this.  I book an acting job outside the city somewhere in Connecticut.  It's of course in a town I've never been to.  So what do I do?  I get my GPS in order.  Now, as simple as you may think this is, it's not that straight forward let me tell you.  Instead of being a 1 or 2 step process, it is actually more like a 25 step process all to get me lost and late by almost an hour.  Can anyone say Oy Vey?!?

1. Check the address.  Check it again.

2. Print the address and check it again.

3.  Pull up Google Maps on my computer and check the address.

4.  Cross reference the address three more times and check for alternate routes.

5. Put the address in my iPhone and check the map that Apple provides and realize it's not the same.

6.  Check Bing maps and see it's not the same.

7.  Ask my sweetie to help me and make sure I have the right address and realize he's just as challenged.

8.  Go for a walk to relieve the stress because I am going to have to drive myself there alone.

9. Print off the address and step-by-step directions just in case.

10.  Ask my sweetie to input the address in the GPS in the car.

11.  Verify the address is in the car all set and ready to go.

12.  Make sure the address is set in my iPhone and ready to go.

13.  Press start and realize the lady GPS guide's voice is way too low and fidget with the dang thing to adjust it.  It doesn't work so I just hope I don't get lost.  Not really sure which Genius decided it was a good idea to set the GPS to have the "sound automatically turn to silent" after each use...

14.  Immediately realize the address is changing and the mileage is changing and it is telling me I am going the wrong way.

15.  Begin breathing slow and deep to avoid a nervous breakdown.

16.  Call my sweetie to make sure I am ok and not going to get lost.

17.  Take him at his word and keep going just before I realize the route changed "again".

18.  Call my sweetie one more time to ask advice. (big mistake as he's driving the other direction now).

19.  Listen as he tells me to avoid the GPS direction and take the next exit for a totally different highway.  Can anyone say OY VEY!?!?

20.  Follow the route just as he realizes he told me the wrong direction.

21.  Pull over in a panic in the middle of the highway and have that nervous breakdown I was avoiding 20 minutes ago.

22.  Call in a frenzy that I am going to be late.

23.  Push about 200 buttons trying to figure out the dang GPS and get to my destination once and for all.

24.  Attempt to follow the crazy lady in the GPS and see where on God's green Earth she is taking me; over the river and through the woods - literally.

25.  40 minutes later arrive somewhere back in civilization and 20 more minutes get to my destination.

The best part is that at the end of it all, I had to go home and use the GPS yet again. Somebody please help me.  If only I had a techie-minion or a big-time record deal where I could hire a driver I would be all set.  Then I could be on time for more things.  Oh who am I kidding?  Everyone is just way too early. ;D

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo
www.avaaston.com

Gremlins 4

They're Baa-aack! Gremlins are back in iPhone 4!

Coming This Fall only to an iPhone 4 Near You!  This fall Steve Jobs and Steven Spielberg have joined forces to bring you the ultimate in entertainment pleasure where random Gremlins will be placed inside your iPhone 4.  Watch as your iPhone 4 decides to have a mind all of it's own.  You wake up after midnight and think it's really still early enough for that midnight snack.  Then when you least expect it your iPhone has cocooned and turned into an Android.  AAAAAAARGGGGHHH!  The horror.  Thus leaving you a victim of the evil Steve duo and their trickery to get you to buy the all new iPhone 5 (pre-loaded of course with Steven Spielberg's trailer for "Welcome Home ET" starring Drew Barrymore!)

Okay now, seriously Steve Jobs, enough of the games what's up with my iPhone 4? This is my 3rd one and it's worse than my last one.  No, you can't blame it on my technology force-field either.  I admit I do have one and it does cause some muckery to ensue around me from time to time but this is just a bit too much.

See, it all started waaaaaay back when, with my my very first iPhone, and lets not forget I got rid of my blackberry because I just "had" to have an iPhone, duh.  At first I began to think it was me and my inability to adapt to technology or my little fingers that have a hard time doing as they are told when I am typing.  Then I got smart and started asking and of course doing some Google and Youtube video searches about people just like me.  I found I was part of a small niche community of Apple fans who were willing to face chastisement by openly admitting I was unhappy with my iPhone. I felt like a second class citizen in a 12-step program (no I haven't been to one).

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

What I really want to know is either there are Gremlins, or little demons who have taken up residence and are living inside of it.  Is it just me or is anyone else out there having to make frequent trips to the apple store (which are such a joy I might add, as on my last trip seemed as though it was a playground not an electronics store)?  Only to have the "Genius" tell me, "It is very odd the things you are describing, but just for good measure and because you are still under warranty that I'll go ahead and replace it."   Between the lines, what that really means is they are giving you a previously mucked up iphone that someone else had to get rid of because it had little demons inside it - it was sent back to apple land to be made all better (supposedly)....

Then slowly by surely I began to come to terms with this dilema and realized I was really one of millions of dissatified customers.  That was when all of a sudden a Cherub flew in from on high and a golden voice carried from afar off spoke and claimed "iPhone 3G will be coming soon".  Quickly I went to replace my 2-time replaced iPhone Original for the all new 3G and was again... let down.  Then repeat scenario when I went from the iPhone 3G to the 3GS then on to the iPhone 4.

So what was a girl left to do?

Now I must be left to my own divises and wait.  Wait.  Wait, until the day comes that I have the iPhone 5 in my grabby little palms.  Just whatever you do, do n0t feed any of your iPhone's  after midnight or you might end up staring down the face of a little Gremlin, I mean Genius.

Blessings, Love & Music,
Ava xo

www.avaaston.com