60 Minutes

If you only had 60 minutes left, what would you do?

I am not sure why I was thinking about this, but I was wondering if I only had 60 minutes to live what would I do? Where would I go? Who would I want to talk to or go see? Would I even want to know that I only had 60 minutes left? I think I would want to know... because I could then at least enjoy the last 60 minutes doing something that brought me a great deal of pleasure. 

A few years ago when I had an apartment in Brooklyn I heard someone in the building died in the laundry room. Yep, right there in the laundry room - sometime between adding the fabric softener and the spin cycle she dropped dead. I can't believe she would have chosen to spend the last 60 minutes of her life plugging quarters into a Maytag and waiting for the washing machine to quit spinning.  I have often thought about that lady from Apt B4 and its made me want to be a little more prepared.

So, in case I get to know when my last 60 minutes of my life will be, here is a list of options I can choose from on how to spend that magical hour. These are in no particular order it's just how they followed out of my Greek coconut as I was writing this.

• Read the Bible
• Get a tattoo of a Grammy Award so I can die saying I had a Grammy
• Line up my sneakers so they can be buried with me (I am not joking folks)
• Write one last song
• Get a cup a cup of coffee and savior it. Although I know they must have coffee in heaven otherwise it would be Hell, just sayin'
• Look at my To Do List make sure there is nothing left to do
• Get one last slice of Pizza
• I can't work out because that takes longer than an hour. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
• Call my family and friends and tell them how much I love them. Oh what a shame Mr. Bricks' cell phone would be "busy" and I couldn't tell him anything. I wonder how long it would take him to realize I had kicked the bucket? An hour, a day, a week...longer?
• Go to a nursing home and give an impromptu concert to the residence. I just adore older people.
• Listen to my favorites songs on my iPod
• Go outside and smell the fresh cut grass and fresh flowers. Note to self: Stay away from Poison oak. I don't want to be standing at the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter and be all scratchy and itchy.
• Play with my four dogs and tell them how much I love them
• Make sure curling iron, coffee maker and iron are all unplugged
• Go to Kohl's one last time (Hey I gotta use up all of my Kohl's Cash)
• Get a soft serve vanilla and chocolate swirl frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles
• Call the Make-A-Wish foundation and ask for 60 more minutes (repeat as needed)

So what would you do?

Blessings,

Ava

xox

Shut Your Pie Hole

Contestants compete during the Virgin Mobile pie eating competition at Harry's Cafe de Wheels in Sydney, Australia. (July 23, 2008 - Photo by Sergio Dionisio/Getty Images Entertainment)

One of my most favorite sayings is, "Shut Your Pie Hole"

Have you ever wondered where that saying comes from? I did. I found that it is a British term. "The Dictionary of Contemporary Slang" by Tony Thorne, originally published by Bloomsbury Publishing in 1990 says the origin is from the phrase  "cakehole", noun. British meaning "Mouth." It's a slang term which was extremely widespread and considered by many to be vulgar in the 1950s and 1960s. It survives in the inner circles of younger adults, school children and Greek blonde girls. It is also a  common expression by my favorite cartoon character, Cartman on South Park. I laugh out loud just thinking of him saying it. Here is an example:

Stan: Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny start playing the flutes and drum as they march. Cartman starts beating the drum.)
Cartman: Yeah! Do you like to rock?! I like to rock! Hello, Baltimore!
Kyle: Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman: I'm playing the drum!(He continues to beat the drum.)
Kyle: You're not supposed to beat the drum, you hit it!
Cartman: You don't hit a drum! You gotta beat the (bleep) out of it! (He starts to beat the drum again.) Shut your pie-hole!

Too funny.

Sometimes I have to alter the phrase to make it appropriate. For instance, I often tell my manager Mr. Bricks, to "shut his Mc Rib hole" because he is always eating the McDonald's McRibs. But, by the size of his expanding waistline, I am sure Bricks also eats his fair share of pies - just sayin'.

I should say that whenever I mention in one of my blogs or on Facebook or Twitter that I like South Park it seems like I always get a few pieces of negative fan mail basically telling me I am going to go to Hell for liking the animated series.  It doesn't matter how many disclaimers I put that it is just a cartoon and it is only entertainment for me and that I don't live my life by it there are always some goodie-two-shoes people who still love to rant about what a bad person I am for being a fan of South Park.

To those people I say, shut your pie hole!

Blessings,

Ava

xox

PS: Don't forget the March Madness Sale on my "Gone" CD. Only $6.99 Plus Free Shipping

South Park Rocks!

I really enjoy a good belly laugh and the one program that I use as my go-to show for a guaranteed laugh, is South Park. South Park first aired on August 13, 1997 and ever since I started watching it as a teenager, I can not even tell you how many countless hours I have wasted laughing at it.  The writing is brilliant and the humor is spot on, I like it because it is like  a rebel show compared to the other animated shows.  I'm Greek and I am a rocker chick, I kind of like rebels. Let me also say, that if you have been living under a rock, or locked away in an attic or haven't watched any television for the past 13 years, let me warn you that South Park is not a cartoon for young children. With that said, as a fan of animation, I am glad to see some adult fare like South Park on TV to keep us all from totally losing every aspect of our childhood.

Of all of the characters, Cartman is my favorite and he is one of the four main characters of South Park.  I can totallay identify with him on so many levels. He is voiced by Trey Parker, one of the co-creators of the show. Cartman can best be described as a fat, spoiled, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, sociopathic, selfish, and ill-tempered fourth-grader. Dang, if that doesn't also describe my manager, Mr. Bricks in a nutshell.

Cartman's full name is Eric Theodore Cartman and he lives with his mother in the fictional town of South Park, where he commonly has extraordinary experiences that are typical of living in a small town. While taking things that are going on in the news politics, music, etc. and poking a little fun in a silly sarcastic unique way.  It's kinda like my day-to-day muckery. Now you can see why I can identify with him so much, can't you?

It has been said that Cartman is one of the most popular characters on the show.  Also, along with Beaver Cleaver, Herman Munster and Lassie, Cartman remains one of the most recognizable and iconic television characters ever.

The co-creators of the show Trey Parker and Matt Stone describe Cartman as "a little Archie Bunker", and state that he is also their favorite character, and the one with whom they most identify.

Ok, how big of fan am I of Cartman? Besides being able to do a very mean Cartman voice, there is my my rocking Cartman Collection (yes I do collect Cartman dolls, T-shirts, photos, stickers and basically anything with him on it). Well, I also happen to have tattoo of him just above my ankle:

How's that for dedication? I guess I will know I have made it in the music industry when someone comes up to me after one of my performances  and then shows me they have tatted my name on some part of their body. I just hope my name is never inked on anyone's butt.   Do not get any ideas Mr. Bricks.  Just the thought of that makes me vomit a little in my mouth.

And for  every birthday since I started watching the show,  my Mom has a had Cartman birthday cake made special for me every year:

If you have never had the guilty pleasure of watching the show go to  www.Hulu.com or YouTube and start watching. I give it two thumbs up and I think you will too. Before anyone sends me a bunch of emails or nasty~grams - I realize it is just a TV show.  I do not live my life by or build my morals around it.  It is funny & makes me laugh ~ and if you can't laugh in life, especially in today's crazy world you might as well be 6 ft. under. 'nuff said.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

A side note: I will be one of the voices of the cartoon rats  for a new animated children's series called  TRPOH: The Rat Pack of Hollywood. All of the rats sing, so I get to act and sing. Yippie for me. More details as it becomes available.

www.avaaston.com