Who Let The Dogs Out?

Today's blog is written by Guest Dogger Bloggers BoBo, Itty Bitty, Punkin and Pookie.

Enough of this crap. The four of us can only sit back for so long before we were compelled to speak up against the so-called goody two shoes image our Doggie Mommie Ava is trying to paint of herself on this blog.  As that pudgy TV psychologist Dr. Phil says, "Get Real."

She is always talking about how healthy she eats. Well this is some of the crap that really goes on in our house. Last night she was watching a movie and when the movie got over around 1 am she ate a candy bar! That's healthy? Mom said it was something called a Zone Bar and Mom assured us it was really healthy, but hey, it has chocolate and it is all gooey inside. We say that is a candy bar no matter what she calls it. Well if it was so healthy why didn't she give us a small bite? We would understand if it was real chocolate because we can't eat chocolate, that would make us poop ourselves to death.

Our Doggie Mommy is always telling us to pick up our doggie toys, yet a quick glance around any room in the house and it is scattered with wall-to-wall sneakers. Why doesn't Miss Fancy Pants learn to pick up her own stuff if she expects us to pick up our toys? Sounds like a double standard to us. But her noggin doesn't see it like that.

We're not going to lie, all 4 of us are dogs and we all love to sleep. In fact sleeping is one of our favorite pastimes. (well Bobo also likes licking his own butt too) But none of us can sleep as many hours as Miss Van Winkle can. Holy crap, we had never seen anyone take so many frequent 4 hour "power naps" as she does. She says she needs her beauty sleep. We will give her that, she is pretty.

Our Doggie Mommy says she is Greek. We are doubtful of that. We think she is just making up a fancy pedigree of her own.  We know a terrier mix down the street who says he is a bichon frise. Our Doggie Mommy is an actress after all - so nothing will surprise us.

Another thing about our Mom Ava that gets us hot under the collar is how she treats her manager Mr. Bricks. She treats him like...ahem, a dog. We like Mr. Bricks, we think he is a funny old man. Whenever we see him he always has food in his pockets like old cookies or half eaten sandwiches to feed us. And Mr. Bricks always gets down on the floor to play with us and scratches our bellies. We all giggle when he tries to stand up because he usually wobbles all over just trying to catch his balance. We think it is hard for him to stand up because he is over weight and he has that lazy eye. Whatever the reason its kinda funny to watch and we like Mr. Bricks. We feel bad for him and just wished our Doggie Mom would not boss Mr. Bricks around so much.

Another thing that is not fun in the Aston household is watching TV with our Mom. OMG, I think we all would rather get sprayed by a skunk than to have to sit through a night of TV watching with her. We don't think she knows that when she screams at the TV the people can not hear her. How blonde can she be? I mean we're dogs and we even know that they can't hear her. She says she thinks Mr. Bricks should lose weight and eat healthier, yet one of her favorite shows to watch is "The Biggest Loser" - which is all about fat people who use to eat doughnuts, but now have that lady Jilliann yelling at them to eat right, keep working out and to get a positive attitude. Hmmm, that kinda sounds like a typical phone conversation Mom has with Mr. Bricks on a daily basis.

Well, you-know-who is awake now and she needs to use this computer to check for email and to update her Facebook, Twitter, Ping and YouTube pages, which she does like a bazillion times a day instead of paying attention to us. So we better sign off for now.

So hopefully we shed a little light on Ms. Goody Two Shoes and you can get to know her like we know her. Don't let her pretty face fool yah. But we do hope you continue to enjoy her blogs, enjoy her music and her wicked fun sense of humor. Just be glad and count your lucky stars that you don't have to live with her. To borrow her favorite word...it's Muckery!!

Love and Fishes,

BoBo, Punkin, Pookie and Itty Bitty

(Woof, Woof)

xoxxoox

My Doggie Mom has me in Lockdown and She Doesn't Care!

WARNING! - This Blog has been hacked by Punkin.

My name is Punkin. It's P-U-N-K-I-N, not Pumpkin or Pumpkins or some stupid name like that. It's Punkin, that rhymes with Dunkin, like where my Mommy gets her morning coffee, so get it straight. Well anyways, I am Ava's #1 dog. I can be #1 because she doesn't have any real two-legged children that cry and scream, so its just us four-legged dogs vying for her attention. In this photo I didn't want to come out from under the covers, well,  because I'm afraid.

My Doggie Mom must think I'm stupid and can't read or hear. Because last night I heard her saying she was going to be driving to New Jersey today. What that meant was she was going to abandon me and lock me and the other three canines in the Clink today. We would be left alone to study abandonology. That's abandonology, not abandonality. Abandonology is the study of being abandonded, where as abandonality is the state of being abdondoned. I just wanted to be sure you understand the seriousness of what's going on here in the Pearl River Clink.

Ok, so then get this load of bull.... after saying she was going to be gone tomorrow, (as if I am deaf and  blind) she picks me up and wants to kiss on me? What the heck? I don't roll like that. I think she might be schitzo (sorry to my mentally ill friends) I just don't know of another way of saying it. In one breath I hear my fate for the next day will be in the Clink and then she expects me to treat her like she is the Mother of the Year....yah right, maybe more like Mommie Dearest of the Year. Hey Pookie, hide those wire hangers from her.

While she is gone today I decided to hack into her Mac Probook and write this blog. I have a lot of stuff I need to get off my chest. Oh, by the way, it was super easy to hack into Mom's computer because she used my name as the password....you humans, really. Anyways, I have also been reading her Facebook wall and herTwitter page and boy does she have you all fooled! She is not as great of person as I have read in your comments. Yah, ok just because she feeds me and the rest of the pack organic expensive kibble, has our teeth cleaned every six months, makes us fancy personalized dog collars doesn't mean I should kiss her butt or tell her over and over how great she is... reading all the nice comments about her on the various social networking sites makes me want to vomit all over the couch. So I just did. You try living with her. It's no picnic.

Almost every day she gets up at the butt crack of dawn to go running. I'm loving it...I like a good 5 mile run like the next Pekingese does....but does she take me running? No...she says that's "her alone" time, What does she think I will do, be a Chatty Cathy and talk the entire run? I'm a dog..I can't talk, hello??? McFly, is anyone home?

I have also read some of the comments where you say something like, "Oh Ava looked so cute on stage last night" or "you're such a pretty girl Ava"...pullllleeeesssseeee, spare me. Want to really know how this sausage is made? I'll tell you. For every one outfit she wears on stage or in public, she spent at least 3 hours and has tried on 47 other ones that were just perfect, until she walked out the door and then she changed her mind and decided she wanted to wear something else. I must admit though, she does kinda have it going on for a rocker chick. But then again, that is also part of the problem. I wished she would quit singing around the house and in the car!!!! We get it. You are a singer. That is what you do. But you don't need to "practice your craft" as you call it, 24/7. Enough already. Do you think a plumber goes around fixing the pipes in the house all day long? No. Does a dentist follow his children around with a drill? No. I love my mom, but sometimes she really just doesn't get it.

Today I finally had a chance to see some of her videos on YouTube. Would all of you just start clicking on the videos so they go viral already....Especially that funny video with that cute, smart Pekingese. Oh wait. I just happen to have a link. Here it is:  Cute Pekingese Video. Wow, that is really a great video. I expect it to win some awards.

I must admit, for as much of a pain she is, she can be an OK Doggie Mom...just doen't tell her I said that, OK? I don't want her to think her little Pekingese Princess has gone all soft on her.

Well, I should log off now. Oh, before I go....why don't all of you tell my Mommy how much more exciting today's blog was than the boring crap she writes.  Oops, did I just say that out loud?

Blessings

Punkin

Woof Woof