I will be the first to admit that I think Danica Patrick kicks some major butt, definitely a cool chick in the Greek Girl's book. However what is not cool about Danica Patrick? The fact that is that she has totally taken over my manager Mr. Bricks brain. Which is kind of funny because, A. I never thought he had a brain and B. I never thought anything could mean more to him than the McRib sandwich, but it's true. Bricks has what I like to call "DOTNS" or "Danica on the Noggin Syndrome." This disease is very new and rare.
What is my problem with this you may be wondering? Well, aside from the fact that it is hard enough to get the rolly polly dude to stay out of McDonald's long enough to focus on getting me a record deal - now he is all dreamy-eyed (and trust me - that is just weird - with his one lazy eye thing he has going on) about a stock car driver. It's like all he does all day long is mutter to himself, Danica, Danica, Danica....zoom, zoom, zoom. I kinda feel sad for him. I think his noggin finally left the building!
With Danica becoming so popular in NASCAR these days, I'm sure there are many wives and girlfriends out there who may be wondering... "hmmmm - is he?" Well, let me give you a few symptoms to watch out for - just in case you're concerned your man, manager of BFF might be possibly coming down with "DOTNS".
1. His favorite colors are all of a sudden Bright Green/Black 2. His favorite number used to be 13, it is now # 10 3. He traded in his prized Corvette for a Chevy Impala 4. He used to think NASCAR was just for hicks & hillbillys, now he Tivo's it 5. He is all of a sudden very concerned about "Peak Brand Antifreeze", "COPD" and "Nationwide Insurance" 6. He has Danica wallpaper as his desktop screen saver and a Danica mousepad 7. He renamed his two goldfish Danica and Patrick 8. He has pulled out his old Nintendo 64 and is playing "Pole Position" 9. His office has Danica posters covering up Gold records 10. He just purchased his 15th domain name from godaddy.com, just to get to see Danica's robostamped signature on the receipt
If you have noticed any or all of the above things happening to your man, I'm afraid to say that he most likely has come down with a case of "DOTNS" for which there is no known cure. I guess it could be worse. He could be infatuated with talk show host Larry King.
Loyal readers of my blog know that the Greek Girl has been known to temporarily lose her filter from time to time. Well, I have to warn anyone who decides to read further:
WARNING: Help, my filter has fallen off and I can't pick it up! That's because my noggin erupted today when I was on Yahoo and I read about the viral "Am I Ugly" videos.
This epidemic is so sad - and yet, so insane at the same time. It really makes my Greek ears bleed. Is anyone shocked that we have literally an entire generation of young girls and boys growing up with serious self-esteem, image, values and more problems than I can even begin to list here?
Why on earth are these kids growing up so messed up, confused and losing their childhoods? Jeepers, I can't think of one reason. The reason is, because I can think of a bajillion examples of such positive messages and images for them. I mean with some top-notch tv shows instilling morals and values into their impressionable young noggins - I can't imagine why they would be so insecure and broken (yep, that was as sarcastic as it sounded.) Let's have a little look see at a little list of their favorite influential shows: American Idol, America's Got Talent, The Voice, So you Think you Can Dance, Dance Mom's, So You Think Your Mom Can Dance (coming soon, I'm sure) Toddler's and Tiara's, The Jersey Shore, My Super Sweet Sixteen, Keeping Up with the Kardashian's, Ice Loves Coco, The Girl's Next Door, Khole and Lamar, Kourtney and Kim Take NY, Kendra, Scouted, Bridalplasty, The Dance Scene, 16 and Pregnant, 15 and Pregnant, 14 and Pregnant, 13 and Pregnant, A Kardashian and Pregnant, Teen Mom, I Just Want My Pants Back, America's Best Dance Crew, Jackass, I Used to Be Fat, I Used To be A Fat JackAss, I Used To be A Fat Jack Ass Now I'm Just A Kardashian, Made, The Real World, Mob Wives, Single Ladies, Basketball Wives, FootBall Wives, Boring Golf Wives, Love and Hip Hop, The Real Housewives, Where's My Record Deal Mr. Bricks, need I go on?.....
Oh, and let us not forget the Grammy's this year. Was it just me or did anyone else have to turn off the TV because Nicki Minaj's performance (if I dare to use that word to describe what she did) burned their eyeballs out?
What on EARTH are we telling kids - and adults even for that matter today? Has anyone really stopped to ponder this, or do they just not give a crap? Why don't we all just throw up our arms in defeat and join Mr. Bricks at McDonald's for a plate of McRibs and celebrate the decline of our society. What shows like this tell people - whether you want to admit it or not, is that if you do not get on TV, if you do not get "famous"- for literally any reason, then you have no value. If you do not look a certain way, wear a particular size, wear the right clothes, listen to the right music, do your hair right, and on and on and on - then you have no value. What is being pushed down the throats of the American public at large is a big giant truckload of Muckery if you ask me.
By perpetually pushing this "you must be famous" gotta get a "viral video" agenda, the entertainment media are literally squashing the heart and soul of an entire generation. Where are the future Dr's, lawyers, rocket scientist's, politicians, engineers, teachers, firemen, police officers, airplane pilots, astronauts, entrepreneurs? For crying out loud a good chef makes over $100,000 per year. Why, why, why is it that everyone wants to be famous? And why are so many young girls loosing their way and growing up with so many insecurities, hurts and a great big giant gaping void? Well, the Greek girl is going to tell you why... it's because they are looking to people like the Kardashian's, Nicki Manaj, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, MTV, Snooki and her slick Jersey Shore cast/bed mates to measure themselves to. Young girls are listening to the words and messages in their songs, watching their videos and their little coconuts are jammed full of confusing messages. So much so that teenage & pre-teenage girls are turning to posting these disturbing videos on YouTube asking if they are ugly. As Lucy would say, GOOD GRIEF CHARLIE BROWN!!!!
Example: Has anyone ever really listened to the words to "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry? Mind you, she spoofed Rebecca Black in the video and she even invited the 13-year-old to perform the song with her on stage at a concert this summer. Now I don't know where little Rebecca's mom was, but if she even had only half of her noggin working properly she would not have allowed her daughter to perform that song with Katy.
Think my Greek nogggin has quit working? Not yet -- just check this out, you'll see what I mean...
Lyrics: "Last Friday Night" by Katy Perry
There's a stranger in my bed,
There's a pounding my head Glitter all over the room Pink flamingos in the pool I smell like a minibar DJ's passed out in the yard Barbie's on the barbeque
There's a hickie or a bruise Pictures of last night Eended up online I'm screwed Oh well It's a black top blur But I'm pretty sure it ruled
Last Friday night Yeah we danced on tabletops And we took too many shots Think we kissed but I forgot
Last Friday night Yeah we maxed our credit cards And got kicked out of the bar So we hit the boulevard
Last Friday night We went streaking in the park Skinny dipping in the dark Then had a menage a trois Last Friday night Yeah I think we broke the law Always say we're gonna stop-op Whoa-oh-oah
This Friday night Do it all again This Friday night Do it all again
Trying to connect the dots Don't know what to tell my boss Think the city towed my car Chandelier is on the floor With my favorite party dress Warrants out for my arrest Think I need a ginger ale That was such an epic fail
Pictures of last night Ended up online I'm screwed Oh well It's a blacked out blur But I'm pretty sure it ruled
Now call me old fashioned, but I just don't think a song about hmm let's see, a menage a' trois, drinking, getting arrested, skinny dipping, not knowing what you did because you were so wasted is really a song that any thirteen year old should listen to, or sing on stage for that matter. just sayin. When I was that age I was writing and singing songs about kittens, unicorns and fairies....and I hadn't even met Mr. Bricks yet!
I have a message to young girls everywhere. STUFF YOU EARS FULL OF COTTON BALLS, and stop looking to these seriously misguided people for your value and self-worth. You are perfect just the way you are, no matter who you are, how old you are, how skinny or fat you are, what kind of family you come from, and no matter what you look like. How do I know you are perfect? Because you are God's creation - and he does not make junk. Each and every one of us has value, we all have talents, and abilities unique to each of us. We are all special, regardless of what TV tries to make us think we need to "be" in order to be special. You are perfect just the way you are. So shine, be you, and do not let anyone put out your fire.
I wrote my newest song "I Don't Even Care" because I was tired of people telling me what I was supposed to do or be in order to be successful in the music industry. I've been at it a long time, and I have still not yet achieved my goals. However I will not let anyone stop me from being myself while on my way to where I am going. I am me, just the way I am, and if the entertainment industry does not like it, well.... They can just kiss it. What I am saying to young kids everywhere is NO YOU ARE NOT UGLY! You are perfect just the way you are.
Live From New York - It's Saturday Night! - Featuring Ava Aston!
No matter what day it is, no matter where I go or whoever I am with it seems every time I turn around I am smack dab in the middle of what would otherwise be considered an SNL skit. Or as the Greek Blonde Girl likes to call it... an episode of muckery. That is of course assuming I were on stage in front of an audience, but nope it's my real life.
Let's start by examining my cast of characters:
Well first there is me. I am a character all unto myself. Then of course you have Mr. Bricks. Though he is an absent minded manager doesn't mean he's absent from my mind nor from the skit of my life. Then you have my mom. I love her to pieces but man oh man she is a walking dictionary and thesaurus all wrapped up into one who also happens to have a lifetime supply of HGTV Do-it-yourself projects on her mind. Of course you can' t forget my 4 Greek Sisters. They are all a bit more dramatic than me in their own way. So they offer plenty of material to say the least. Then there is Ava the Diva; my cartoon version of me. This would fit right in with the TV Funhouse animations on SNL. The next character is of course my sweetie. He has a special place in heaven just for him for all he has to put up with. This Greek Girl can at times be like a little kid, which can also be called high maintenance. So, not only does he have his own stuff to do and deal with - then you through in everyone else - four little doggies and bam there you have it, muckery in the making.
So here's how my SNL skit lineup would be broken down:
1. My monologue and intro skit:
2. We would then break into a Debbie Downer skit where she is my half-sister because my mom has been known to be Debbie Downer herself on a few occasions. My mom would break into the same warnings of doom and gloom about how tornadoes are gonna get us or how like when I lived in LA and she told me everyday that they were expecting a "huge" earthquake any day, which of course never happened. This would all the more reinforce why I am so indecisive as I am always thinking: WWMMS? - "What would my mom say?".
3. This would be followed by an animated cartoon TV Funhouse skit of Ava Aston meeting up with an animated Jason Stathem and Mr. Bricks episode where we all save the world. (Why Jason Stathem? Because he's my fav action star, he's hot and he kick's butt of course!)
4. Next we would have a guest appearance skit with Alec Bladwin and Christopher Walken. We could do anything in that skit because it would be a dream come true to just do that one. Two of my all-time favorite SNL actors in one skit with me would be the highlight of my life - that and recording with Goo Goo Dolls of course.
5. Then there would be a live performance of Me performing my new hit song, "I Don't Even Care". The crowd would love it and it would be raved on Yahoo the next day as the best SNL performance ever.
6. We would do a skit about how hard it is for me to pack. Yeah, not only am I terrible at packing but I am even worse at flying alone. So this would be hysterical to watch as I would have my breakdown over how many sneakers to bring and how I am going to get all my hair products into those little 3 ounce bottles because there is no way I am gonna check my bag. Last thing I need is to have the skycap lose it.
7. Then we would watch another skit of Ava going to GNC where all the guys in the store are pumped up on testosterone and swinging it like Babe Ruth walking up to the plate. The skit would be about me debating about some stupid diet pill and they would be stalking me and flexing all around the store trying to sell me anything with a cool package. Flexing their biceps saying things like, "touch it" do you wanna touch it?
8. This would be the skit featuring all 4 of my sisters. Imagine 5 Greek Girls all from the same father and 3 different mothers. Then take two of them and make them nerotic and obsessive (that would be me and one other). Then you have the other three who are burning rubber and racing through life like it were a party. Oh and did I mention we were Greek and that the Greeks invented drama? Well just imagine what chaos would ensue as one of those party sisters needed an intervention.
9. The next skit is the one with me and me sweetheart doing each other's hair. Yeah, he does my roots and I cut his hair. One time I cut it and it looked like a Michael Jackson pageboy haircut. Another time he did my roots in a motel 6 in New Mexico on our way moving across country.
10. This skit would be of Mr. Brick's and me stuck in "The Villages" in Florida trying to book a gig in the big gazebo in town while staying at a relatives home. Let's just say decorative plates on the wall and plastic covered furniture and no wi-fi make for plenty of one-liners.
11. Then I would perform a heck of a last performance of my other smash hit, "Switch". The crowd would roar and throw roses at my feet. The performance would be entered into the TV Hall of Fame as the best performance superseding my previous one that same night.
We would all take our bow and go out for a fresh cup of happiness to wrap up the night. Yup, that is how my SNL episode would go down.
I can't believe I am even writing this. I had a blog all done to post tonight for my weekly Sunday blog. Then on the way home from an evening of running errands and shopping tonight, my sweetie gets in the car from checking the lotto tickets to blurt out the horrible news. Honestly I thought it was some kind of hoax, like they did to John Bon Jovi recently, sadly that was not the case.
This makes my heart very sad. Personally I do not think there has ever been a singer as talented as Whitney Houston ~ ever. I grew up listening to her music and she was someone that I looked up to musically very very much. She could sing the phone book and bring you to tears, well me anyway. From the minute I heard her sing "How Will I Know" when I was just a little Greek Girl in the seventh grade I was hooked. I went on to purchase every single record she ever made. I must have spent hundreds of hours listening to her records, and buying the sheet music to her songs to take to my weekly voice lessons. Her voice was one of a kind, so many things wrapped up into one, strong, clear, soft, simply amazing.
I don't know, is it just me because I am a singer? I don't think so, I don't know how anyone could have listened to her sing anything and not be moved. It is a tragedy that she was taken so soon, who knows what beautiful songs she could have went on to record. Sadly, we will never know. I do not want to even begin to speculate as to the reason why this happened. It is unfortunate that she as many other talented musicians who left us before they should have succumbed to the dark world of drugs. Personally, I don't understand it. It is just something that has never appealed to me, drugs, partying, any of it, thank God. I hope that the media does not focus on this part of her life, but rather that they focus on her incredible gift. I for one am choosing to remember the positive - the joy her music brought to my life. Moments in time - listening to a note of her sing a particular song can take me back to.
Whitney Houston you will be missed, now you can sing in heaven with the Angels where you belong...
Nothing is more amazing than a cup of fresh diner coffee.
Some say it helps build strong bones, others say it weakens your heart. Still others argue that coffee helps lower blood pressure. Whatever the real answer is, to me the affects are life changing. You know how Superman has his kryptonite? Well coffee is the exact opposite for me.
Confused? Well if you are the Greek Girl, the affects of coffee are similar to the affects of the blood running through your veins. Or no different than jet-fuel to an aircraft. Neither the jet nor the Greek Girl can get off the ground without either. Now, I know what you are thinking, "You're not that addicted to coffee are you?" - Ahh... yes, yes I am. If there were such a thing as a 12-step program for coffee-oholics, I would be a candidate, not that I would ever go to one. Just the thought of standing there and saying, "Hi, my name is Ava Aston and I am addicted to coffee" as if it were a bad thing doesn't sound like something I could ever utter in all seriousness. I see the word addiction here as a negative. I am also addicted to breathing and that's not a bad thing. What I feel my relationship with coffee is, is more of a lifestyle, or as my manager Mr. Bricks would call it a "love affair". Coffee to me is like my centuries worth of Greek heritage all brewed up into one little 8 oz. diner mug that I can enjoy one slow sip at a time.
So in honor of my addiction I will share the affects coffee has; on the Greek Girl through a collection of images.
Here is where it all began: My Dad. Here he is at home in Greece and he's as Greek as they come. Notice all the coffee cups on the table. Enough said.
Now, sometimes my dad adds a little Ouzo or Sambucca to his. I tried this once. The affect was, me making a horrible face and spitting it out. Let's just say, it's not how I roll. This is a part of my coffee heritage I don't mind neglecting. Besides, I think the alcohol kills the enzymes in coffee that keep me so young and my skin looking so good. ;o)
How does the Greek Girl start her day? Coffee in Bed of course. The affect, helps make the day go great.
Here is a glimpse into my coffee stash. The great thing is that I have choices. The affect this has on me is I have to make a choice. I don't like making choices especially first thing in the morning. Do I do espresso, k-cup, drip or french press? Then it's a matter of what mug because of the size of the coffee drink I have. Then it's a matter of what flavor. See what I mean? Decisions.
Now once I am up and out and ready to go, I have my coffee to go. This way, I can enjoy my home brew out and about. The affect this has on me is I can't get the door for the car. Can someone get the door please? My hands are full of hot magic and this amazing Michael Kors purse I got at TJ Max. Which was probably where I was headed when this was taken.
Now, before I head out I happen to check the mail. Here I see Mr. Bricks sent me some coupons for Dunkin Donuts! Woo-Hoo! The affect of this is obvious, the Greek Girl is happy. Now not only am I gonna find some deals at TJ Maxx but I am also gonna save on my next 3 cups of Dunkin Donuts. Not quite a record deal but you did ok this time Mr. Bricks.
Here I am at Dunking Donuts clutching my large cup of happiness like Smeigel from Lord of the Rings and his Precious. Yes I did use one of Mr. Bricks coupons. Affect of this was pure elation. As you can see by the smile on my face.
Now, I know this looks really, really bad on so many levels, but bare with me on this. I can explain. The affects of drinking a hot cup of starbucks is what can help me get through a trip to the Palisades Mall. Being that the mall is so big I need that extra dose of caffeine. But because Starbucks Coffee is so strong I needed to sweeten and dilute it with a frozen yogurt. The affects of this are that I can get out of the mall unscathed with treasures in my clutches.
Then when the day is almost done and it's time for me to unwind it's best served in the form of a decaf Nespresso Cappuccino topped off with whip cream of course. The affect this has on me is called heaven in a mug. It allows me to unwind after a long day of shopping and stuff.
