Tuesday, May 28, 2013

90 Days of Summer

This is a serious amount of Muckery...
This is a serious amount of Muckery...
Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture?  I mean it is pretty and all, that is if you happen to like snow.  Anyone?  Drumroll... This big fat pile of Muckery fell on Memorial Day weekend right here in the state where I live New York!  Um HELLO Summer, where are you?  Have you been kidnapped?  Are you being held hostage, there are plenty of people who are dying to see you, namely yours truly Greek Girl.

What in the heck in the World is going on with the weather lately? The 90 Days of Summer is supposed to be the time between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  Does this look like Summer to you? Me neither...  By now we know that Al Gore and his compadres over at the Global Warming headquarters were wrong... but I'm beginning to wonder if they decided to somehow kidnap Summer in some new evil genius green scam.

Not my idea of Memorial Day fun...
Not my idea of Memorial Day fun...
Last Memorial Day it was about 90 Degrees, I had every curtain in the house drawn to keep the sun out, and the air conditioner blasting to keep all the Aston fur-kids from getting too hot.  This year I'm still sporting my Ugg slippers when I should be in flip flips by now.  Walking around bundled up like "Nanook of the North" and I'll admit I even considered turning the heat back on yesterday.  Good grief, this is just plain craziness.

According to the meteorologists we might go from Winter to Summer in one day later on this week.  I will be praying every single day that they are right until it happens.  Because I don't know how much more of winter I can handle.  This one day of having semi nice weather with sunshine then five or six days of rain with torrential downpours is getting really old!  Taking five fur-kids out to potty in the rain in just no fun if you know what I mean.

It's high time to Summer~ize things.  You know like Swapping slippers for flip flops, swap hot cups of happiness for iced cups of happiness and time to open up the sunroof already!  Please join me in praying for Summer to be released from captivity very soon!  Have a beautiful day!  Well as beautiful as it can be in cold, overcast, windy weather that is ;D

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava :D xo

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

GPS Equals Muckery

Ever feel like your Nav is laughing at you?...

What is it about GPS that requires you need a PHD to actually use the stinking thing? I swear it's like the mad scientists who came up with the whole GPS idea spent too much time in Colorado worried about passing the law to allow legalization of marijuana or something because most of the time they just don't work.
Okay, well maybe it could be operator error, or maybe it's the blonde Greek thing.  Which in my world means I can be a bit dramatic and a little "challenged" when it comes to technology to say the least.  I would love to have my own personal full-time 24/7 techie-minion.  You know, someone who can make all my technology muckery go away.  Considering I'm on my 5th or even 6th iPhone I am stilly having enough a hard time working the dang thing.  You would think by now I would get it.  But no, those so-called "geniuses" had to go and change the Apps for the iPhone and come up with some cockamamy concotion they call "maps".  Have you tried this thing yet?
What makes it worse is that I think the same "geniuses" worked on a scheme for VW built into GPS to make my life all that more difficult.  Did they not think about the fact that if "texting" and driving is a bad idea - using GPS while driving is probably not a good move either...  Hello?  Even the Blondie over here gets that.
So picture this.  I book an acting job outside the city somewhere in Connecticut.  It's of course in a town I've never been to.  So what do I do?  I get my GPS in order.  Now, as simple as you may think this is, it's not that straight forward let me tell you.  Instead of being a 1 or 2 step process, it is actually more like a 25 step process all to get me lost and late by almost an hour.  Can anyone say Oy Vey?!?
1. Check the address.  Check it again.
2. Print the address and check it again.
3.  Pull up Google Maps on my computer and check the address.
4.  Cross reference the address three more times and check for alternate routes.
5. Put the address in my iPhone and check the map that Apple provides and realize it's not the same.
6.  Check Bing maps and see it's not the same.
7.  Ask my sweetie to help me and make sure I have the right address and realize he's just as challenged.
8.  Go for a walk to relieve the stress because I am going to have to drive myself there alone.
9. Print off the address and step-by-step directions just in case.
10.  Ask my sweetie to input the address in the GPS in the car.
11.  Verify the address is in the car all set and ready to go.
12.  Make sure the address is set in my iPhone and ready to go.
13.  Press start and realize the lady GPS guide's voice is way too low and fidget with the dang thing to adjust it.  It doesn't work so I just hope I don't get lost.  Not really sure which Genius decided it was a good idea to set the GPS to have the "sound automatically turn to silent" after each use...
14.  Immediately realize the address is changing and the mileage is changing and it is telling me I am going the wrong way.
15.  Begin breathing slow and deep to avoid a nervous breakdown.
16.  Call my sweetie to make sure I am ok and not going to get lost.
17.  Take him at his word and keep going just before I realize the route changed "again".
18.  Call my sweetie one more time to ask advice. (big mistake as he's driving the other direction now).
19.  Listen as he tells me to avoid the GPS direction and take the next exit for a totally different highway.  Can anyone say OY VEY!?!?
20.  Follow the route just as he realizes he told me the wrong direction.
21.  Pull over in a panic in the middle of the highway and have that nervous breakdown I was avoiding 20 minutes ago.
22.  Call in a frenzy that I am going to be late.
23.  Push about 200 buttons trying to figure out the dang GPS and get to my destination once and for all.
24.  Attempt to follow the crazy lady in the GPS and see where on God's green Earth she is taking me; over the river and through the woods - literally.
25.  40 minutes later arrive somewhere back in civilization and 20 more minutes get to my destination.
The best part is that at the end of it all, I had to go home and use the GPS yet again. Somebody please help me.  If only I had a techie-minion or a big-time record deal where I could hire a driver I would be all set.  Then I could be on time for more things.  Oh who am I kidding?  Everyone is just way too early. ;D
Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo

Monday, May 13, 2013

Ahead of the Curve

Doesn't everyone garden in pink rubber Coach boots? No way I would wear my sneakers out there.  Hello?!?
Doesn't everyone garden in pink Coach boots? No way I would wear my sneakers out there. Hello?!?
No I am not talking about the movie "Trouble With The Curve" starring two of my favorite actors, Clint Eastwood and Justin Timberlake.  What I am talking about is the Greek Girl can be a procrastinator. Oh, who am I kidding everyone is always way too early and I'm on flip-flop time even when it is sub-zero outside.  I go at my own pace, not Gangnam Style but GreekGirl Style if you know what I mean.
One thing happened last year and the year before and every year leading up to this year: I missed out on getting my tan-lines in check on Memorial Day Weekend.  Why?  Because I was behind the curve and didn't take care of the all-important yard work around my yard.  Now I know what you are thinking and yes I am insanely allergic to the poison ivy, oak and sumac factory that resides in my yard. For what it's worth when I go outside to work in the yard I might as well have a bubble I can jump inside.  I wish I was like the Jetson's and I could create a force field to keep the stuff away.
The other thing I am sure you are thinking is, "why is the great international superstar Ava Aston" doing her own yardwork anyway?  Well, because though I am great and all :) I am not an international superstar - yet.  For that matter some of my neighbors have no clue who I am.  So until this Greek Girl can shell out the dough to have a yard minion come and do my yard up right, I have to keep up my Greek Scootchin' ways.
This right here is what you call thunderstorm mulch muckery people!
So here's how I got ahead of the curve:
Step 1: Price out types of mulch at all local facilities delivered in bulk by the yard and compare them to the bagged mulch at Lowes and Home Depot.
Step 2: Realize it's going to be a lot of money for the kind I want, and this Greek Girl don't like to spend more than she has to on anything, except skincare, massages and sneakers.
Step 3: Hunt for the Deal.  Yep, just because this Maxxanista can't get mulch at her local TJ Maxx doesn't mean she can't still find a deal somewhere else.  So I took my Greek Maxxinista skills from what I learned scouring the racks and applied what I learned and found a great deal on Craigslist.
Step 4: Convince my husband what a great deal it is and show him just how much money we are going to save by having to drive 40 miles to the next county to buy some mulch sight unseen.  (Oh yeah two times there and back that is).
Step 5: Clean out all the beds around the entire house and make sure no weeds are in sight.  If there is anything I can't stand it's "weeds".
Step 6: Locate the cheapest rental vehicle I can to drive up and collect my bargain mulch.
Step 7: Dress like I work in the mines and head out to the local Enterprise Rental where we would have to wait around for an hour while Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum employees can't find the keys to not one but two cargo vans.  Then have to drive across the county to another dealer to get a van.  (not before this Greek Scootch made dang sure to get a deal and cut the bill in half for our inconvenience.)
Step 8: Drive the other direction across the county to collect my loot with not just one but two vehicles.  Oh yeah, I wasn't gonna let a deal go by without getting all the goods.  We drove the VW TDI SportWagon and a Cargo van through the woods and hills to Grandma's house we went - almost.  Surprised we didn't see Red Riding hood along this trail of muckery.
Step 9: Sort through broken wet bags of mulch that were piled high on pallets and stuff 150 of them into the cargo van and VW.  Do it all while trying to stay clean and cute at the same time.  Not easy you know.
Step 10: Convince my husband I am not crazy and that this was a really good idea and that he will be so glad I made him do this.
Step 11: Drive back home and unload all the mulch as fast as we can without getting struck by lightning.  Oh, did I forget to mention it started to downpour with thunder and lighting as we unloaded the bags?  Yeah we felt like two stranded golfers in our own front yard huddled under a tree.  Only thing was we had a ho and a rake not a 5 iron and putter in our hands.
Step 12:  Race back to the scene of the crime and get as much more of that mulch we couldn't get the first trip in the cargo van as possible.
Step 13: Buy some scratcher lotto tickets and a PowerBall and MegaMillions on the way home just in case.  Figure if we win I can say it was all because I am a genius!
Step 14: Race back home and try to not slip off the road in the rain and stall the van at the same time because the gas is cheaper in New Jersey, right down the road from where we live. Did I say I was a scootch?
Step 15: go to sleep and start over in the morning.
Yes I am wearing two outfts the same day. Doesn't everyone shower and change clothes in middle of a garden project?
Step 16: Spread the mulch all over the beds and make it look real pretty and thank my husband for not putting me in the garbage can with the weeds for making him run amuck for some mulch.
Step 17: Now I can relax and get out my bathing suit to lay out on my back porch on Memorial Day.  I can sit and drink an iced cup of Magic a la Dunkins while admiring my newly mulched yard!  This way instead of getting Poison Muck I will be getting my tan-line.  That is unless I am out singing somewhere cool.
Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo

Monday, May 6, 2013


Disqualified not for doping or cheating but because he praised God for all of maybe 5 seconds. What is wrong with this picture?

I am a Christian, there I said it. So does that mean I am disqualified? Does that mean I can't participate?  What if I pray in public, will I be put in jail?  What about if I accomplish something amazing like winning a race and out of pure emotional excitement accidentally raise my hand to the sky and thank God for being with me?  Will I be told I can't compete and I just lost the race that I just won?
Well, that's exactly what happened to a High School Track team in Texas.  After winning an extremely important race a kid celebrated by thanking God.  Can someone tell me how this makes any sense whatsoever?  Why is it that someone thinks it is appropriate to punish someone for doing this?  It's not like he committed a crime?  It's not like he cheated or murdered anyone.  No, he simply raised his hand and thanked God.  Meanwhile we have a trial of a barbaric butcher who literally killed babies born alive and hardly anyone in the media will cover it.  Yet some Einstein at a High School Track State-Meet Qualifier thinks it's a crime to raise your hand to God thanking him? Enough so that the entire team is disqualified.  Hmmm... could our priorities today be just a little askew anyone think?
What I don't understand is that every day we as Christians are being disqualified time and time again.  No matter what we do or where we go we are constantly being pushed down, shoved out and not allowed.  We are told our beliefs are wrong and we must somehow get along and agree with everyone.  We are to "Coexist".  Coexist?  What in the world does that mean anyway?  That is unless you're gay, muslim, or basically anything but a Christian.
It amazes me because we have a society and media that is determined to punish people for wanting to be positive role models, Godly individuals with integrity, decency, morality, obey the laws and help their fellow man.  Somehow that is wrong.  Somehow we are disqualified.  Meanwhile we celebrate and reward mediocrity.
Jason Collins an NBA Player not very well known for his basketball playing I might add comes out as being gay and is celebrated all over the media like a hero.  He even got a phone call from the Oval Office.  On the flip side, NFL Football player Tim Tebow is criticized by the media for being "too Christian" and they think he should just keep that to himself.  So let me get this straight: bedroom behavior is important to know about and something worthy of celebrating/broadcasting, but one's religion is not.  Oh wait, unless the religion is Islam that is.
Just this week I learned that President Obama made it so it will soon be illegal to promote or talk about Christianity in the military.  In his first year in his first term he canceled national day of prayer.  God has been removed from our schools, public buildings and anywhere else he might be able to offend anyone.  What they don't realize is that God is Good.  Goodness blots out evil and darkness.  We have evil and darkness all around us and it's growing faster by the second as we keep getting disqualified and we wonder why.
A man was fired from Home Depot a few years ago for having a "Christian" cross pin on his orange Depot apron.  Meanwhile a Muslim girl sued Abercrombie & Fitch for not letting her wear a "burka" while on the job.  Check me if I am wrong, but if she were truly practicing her "religion" she wouldn't even dare step foot in an Abercrombie & Fitch Store, let alone want to work there.
So, why is it we have to bend over to "appease" all the non-Christian groups and interests but "We Christians" are constantly told we have to look the other way, shut up and learn to "coexist".  Even with people who want to kill us for our beliefs.  (Hello read the Koran, it's in there.)  If you ask me, those "Coexist" stickers are targeted at only one group of people, "Christians".   Christians are the reason Muslims are killing Americans, Christians want to cling to their Guns and religion.  Christians don't support abortion or paying for it with tax payer money.  So why is it that Christians can't pray in school but the Pentagon and other government buildings allow prayer rooms for Muslims?  Hypocrisy much?...
It's high time people do a little reading up on how exactly this country was founded.  Because some people are a bit confused on the whole Freedom of Religion thing.  America was founded on the Freedom "of" Religion not Freedom "from" Religion.  The goal was to avoid a tyrannical government who would impose a "State Run Religion" on it's people.  It was to be free to practice whatever form of religion you wanted, ie: Catholic, Protestant, Methodist, or nothing.  What we have though is a whole bunch of people in the government who are twisting the founding documents, taking them completely out of context and are hell bent on turning the government into a God and the end all be all source "for the people".  I don't know about you, but I am sick of being disqualified.  I think we need to stop turning the other cheek and start standing up once and for all.

The scary thing is that I wrote this song three and a half years ago, yet it is becoming more and more fitting by the day.  You see the more we take God out of everything the less we are "One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for All." and the more we become: "One Nation Divided, Without God, with Fairness and handouts for only the politically correct."  Or those who are not disqualified.
Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo