Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Here Women Talk

There is something powerful when a bunch of women get together and talk. I am not talking about like the women from "Sex and The City", who when they got together, it was more like boasting and gossiping about their sexual escapades, rather than a bunch of women talking with each other about life in general. I actually would find it rather embarrssing talking about my sex life with my girlfriends. I guess you can tell I am not a Kardashian! So maybe you don't want to keep up with me! I feel somethings should not be open for discussion.
Women can learn a lot when they band together and learn from each other's experiences. That is the whole concept behind, HereWomenTalk (HWT) a fairly new social network for Women. According to the HWT Founder Kay Van Hoesen, it's always been her girlfriends who have kept her grounded. She has said, they are her family and her support. Knowing the importance of girlfriends, Kay created the HereWomenTalk social network as a way to connect, support and inspire each other. I am glad she did!!
I actually knew nothing about this social networking site until they approached my manager Mr. Bricks to have one of my songs be the theme song for a new radio talk show they were launching. After checking out the site and finding more about the radio show, it was something that I really, really wanted to do. The more I ventured into it, the more excited I became.
I have met some really neat ladies on the site, including the founder Kay Van Hoesen. Which is pretty cool to think that the person who created it is actually accessible. It's not like Mark Zuckerberg is ever going to accept my friend request on Facebook! But Kay accepted my friend request on HWT and we have been able to share a few spirited posts back and forth. What a neat lady she is. And Kay is a dog lover, so I know she is a class act - Anyone who likes dogs is OK in my book - just sayin.'
The song the site is using is "Gone" from my "Gone" cd, you can listen to the song here. The radio show is called "Time's Up!' and is hosted by Susan Murphy-Milano.
The Time's Up! radio talk show airs Wednesdays at 4pm ET on Here Women Talk broadcast by the Zeus Radio Network or you can play archived podcasts at anytime at the HWT website.
Susan Murphy-Milano is often praised as one of the most dynamic and engaging speakers of our day in the domestic violence prevention field. Her books and strategies are taught world-wide and used by law enforcement, domestic abuse advocates, social workers, attorneys, health care workers, human resource departments and domestic violence agencies.  The comprehensive strategies and escape plans utilized by Susan have been successful and tested by time for over 20 years.
Susan uses humor, passion, and all her years of experience to motivate her radio audience to become more effective first responders, advocates and professionals in their work to stop family violence.
I feel honored that my song "Gone" is being used to help women all over the world find the strength to leave domestic violent situations and move into a safer and more stable environment. As a recording artist, that makes me very proud.
Although primarily designed as a network for women, HWT also welcomes men! Check out HereWomenTalk and listen to Susan Murphy-Milano's show Time's Up! on Wednesdays at 4pm ET  on The Zeus Radio Network.
Have a great day!!!
You can order your own copy of "Gone" here. It makes a great Christmas present!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Batteries Not Included

Growing up, I use to always laugh when I would see a package that had a disclaimer on it that read, "Batteries Not Included." I would think, why is it such a big deal about not having any batteries in the box that they have to print that on the packaging?  But then I grew up and started living on my own.
I came back on Friday from doing some Black Friday shopping and I could hear my dogs barking when I pulled up to the house. It appears that a smoke detector battery in the bedroom was going off because it needed a new battery. Hmmm, you would think that Princess Punkin was so smart, that she could have just changed the battery herself. But that didn't happen. Lazy butt Peekingese!
So I quickly ran down to the store to get some new AAA batteries -- the only problem is that the smoke detector doesn't take AAA batteries they take 9V batteries. What was I thinking? I even took out the battery to stop the alarm and so the dogs would quit barking. But I guess I did not look at what type of battery I took out.
So off I went back to the store for trip # 2 to exchange batteries. While I was at it, I just got some extra 9V's and decided to change all of the smoke detector batteries. I had a total of six to replace. I also stopped by Target for any last-minute Black Friday sales since I was out and about and within a 75 mile radius of a Target!!
After hauling out the ladder and replacing the all of the batteries I decided to sit down to enjoy some hot liquid in the form of a nice cup of cocoa and relax by catching up on some past episodes of "Days of Our Lives" I have recorded, but not yet watched! When I went to use the remote the TV did not come on. Houston we have a problem. What else could go wrong I thought? click - click -click , nope, nothing. nadda. zip. zilch.
Hoping it was just the remote, I actually stood up and decided to turn on the TV the old school way by pushing the on button on the TV set itself, instead of by remote. Presto - instant picture. So I am not a rocket scientist, but now I realized the remote probably just needed new batteries!  So I cracked open the back of the  remote and saw that it needs four AAA batteries. Yep, the exact same size of batteries I just took back to the store less than an hour ago!! Grrrr, my Greek temper was really being tested.
So I loaded up the dogs and headed back to the store for battery shopping trip #3. I decided to buy one of those ginormous packages of AAA batteries, just so I wouldn't be caught without them again. I think I got like 100 batteries for $39.00 - sounds reasonable to me. Oh, since I was out and about I decided to stop by Kohl's one last time on Black Friday --  thought you would want to know!
So later last night I decided to boot up the computer to get this blog written before heading off to bed. It's been a long holiday weekend and I thought perhaps I would write about the great time I had visiting my Mom for Thanksgiving... but I couldn't even get that far. You're not going to believe this but my Logitech wireless mouse that I use for my Mac was dead. The batteries in it were dead.
I think there must have been some weird vortex field over my house while I was gone that zapped the life out of anything using  a battery.
So I cracked open the back of the mouse and saw that it only takes two batteries. Thank goodness I bought the economy size earlier! - See the Greek mind does work from time to time!!  The celebratory mood was very short-lived when I tried putting the AAA batteries in the mouse,  I quickly realized the wireless mouse uses AA batteries, not AAA.
I AM NOT running back to the store for battery shopping trip #4. Not tonight anyway. I don't want to show the clerk just how blonde I really am. I will do it tomorrow and tonight I will just use the touch pad on the computer instead of the external mouse.
Soooooo - needless to say, whenever I now see the words on a package "Batteries Not Included" the one thing that comes to mind is maybe it should even be more specific and read:  "Ava, 2 AA Batteries Not Included!" Just sayin'

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Web Service Composition Management

You can basically take a high performance implementation platform to enable the numerous standards that are easily accessible on a highly functional system that has an operability with a reference to the extensible easy-to-use web services that it stacks.

You could combine any JAX Technology (JT), as an extra measure for Quality Control of Service (QOS) features such as security, reliability, and transaction if the added support warrant the costs.

OK let me cut the techno mumble jumbo crap.....THIS IS PUNKIN. - And I'm back and I hacked my mom Ava's blog today.

I had to put all of that techno stuff at the beginning of the blog today so you could realize just how smart of a Pekingese I really am. Yes, I write my own computer code. Get it straight, this Chinese girl is not just a pretty face, I'm smart too. Look at me!!

OK, A few weeks ago I noticed my sister doggie, Pookie had hacked Mom's blog and told everybody it was her birthday. Pookie got a ton of birthday wishes. Well, folks, today is MY BIRTHDAY. Everybody say Happy Birthday Punkin.

I think the world needs to spend today resting and relaxing, in honor of my birthday! But first, you need to send me a comment to Mommie's blog wishing me a Happy Birthday. See, I want the bragging rights over Pookie saying I got more birthday wishes than her.

I think Mommie is going to have a surprise party for me. She hasn't said a word about my birthday and she has been acting like she has totally forgotten my birthday - which usually means she is up to no good. But that's Ok, I like surprise parties....when Mommie and all the dogs jump out and yell "Surprise -Happy Birthday Punkin" I will just wag my tail really fast, pee on the floor, and act like I am surprised...but it will just be an act. I am a great actress. Actually, I think I am a far better actress than Mommie is. I keep saying Mommie's manager Mr. Bricks needs to represent me and not her. At least I would never make a cartoon and whine about wanting more auditions like she did in yesterday's blog called Saturday Morning Cartoons #2. Pathetic.

So yah, I am a pretty smart dog. In addition to writing computer code I am also working on making a new big scientific discovery. Yep, this is a true story. You see, when Mommie is out on her daily run and the rest of the dogs are lying around the Aston house taking a nap, I am in the basement, wearing my white lab coat looking at stuff under the microscope that I found in the back of Mr. Brick's refrigerator. Mr. Bricks calls it leftovers, I call it black mold. I don't think Mr. Bricks read Mom's blog the other day called Leftovers. Mr. Bricks is a big of an egomaniac and unless he is mentioned in the blog he doesn't read it.

I know I should feel sorry for all of Mom's fans who clicked on her blog today to read what she had to say and instead have to read all of the thoughts that are rolling around in the Peekingnese canine melon of mine. But I am a bit biased and I really think it is much better reading than one of her typical blogs where she goes on and on about being Greek, eating healthy and having blonde hair! Don't you ever get sick of hearing that? I know I do. Whenever she opens her mouth at the house all I hear is white noise.

Oh crap, she just drove up in the driveway....gotta go and pretend I am excited when she yells, Happy Birthday Punkin!!

Love and Fishes,


Woof Woof

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Ava Wants Some Auditions

Last Saturday's cartoon was a huge hit, so I made another one. Let's just say I don't think Pixar or Walt Disney has to worry about me, but I do hope you enjoy watching it!


Friday, November 26, 2010


Let me go on record and say the absolute best television show ever made is NBC's The Biggest Loser. I love that show. Many times before I have said what an incredible job the two trainers, Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper do. They are very inspirational and have done amazing things to people's lives.
The other night they had a "What Ever Happened To" episode of "The Biggest Loser" when they brought back prior contestants. It was an incredible show. I thought the timing was very ironic for that show to air the night before Thanksgiving. Coincidence? I think not.
One of the best/worst part of any holiday celebration, like Thanksgiving is dealing with the leftovers.  It is the worst part if the shindig was at your house and now you have to cram all of the left over food into the refrigerator.  It was pretty touch and go with just your own food. But now you must add all the dinner guest's leftovers and it becomes a game of Tupperware chess.
The best part about it is.... hmmm, wait not sure if there is really a best part about having all of those leftovers ready to be eaten within a few microwaveable seconds.  I think it is way too tempting for most people to handle. I think they can too easily nibble, graze and eat it until it is all gone. Not good.
You know I am always talking smack about my manager Mr. Bricks and how unhealthy he eats. I worry about the little weeble during times like this. Fortunately, this Thanksgiving Mr. Bricks is in Seattle with his family and so he won't be able to have his own leftover food drama filling his own refrigerator.
When you have a houseful of leftovers your body parts start going to war with each other. They all have an opinion about the leftovers and what to do with them. The conversation goes something like this:
Your brain: "It's ok to have a just a small portion of potatoes with some warmed up gravy. It was really good yesterday, wasn't it?"
Your eyes: "Look at how much room is left on that plate. That is not that much food! You should go ahead and put a couple more spoonfuls of mashed potatoes on that plate. Hey add some turkey and leftover green bean casserole while you are at it.  Yesterday you had the plate stacked a foot high with food."
Your conscience"What would the Greek Blonde girl think?"
Your stomach: "Don't listen to the brain, he thinks he knows it all. You will be full with 1/2 of that amount of left overs. Trust me. Have I ever let you down?"
Your Brain: "Oh, don't even go there stomach. You have spilled your guts many times."
Your Butt: "I need to butt in here...Look, I am having a heck of a time trying to keep myself in those new skinny jeans you just bought. Listen to your stomach and take only 1/2 of plate of food right now."
Your Brain: "You're just an ass."
Your Butt: "Hey, I resemble that remark"
Your Heart: " I just love you all. Can we not argue and just all get along? You're going to give me an attack."
Your conscience: "What would the Greek Blonde girl think about eating all of these leftovers?"
Your Eyes: "Hey, check out that pumpkin pie Aunt Rosie left. It looks yummo."
Your Stomach: "You just need to shut the fridge door and turn a blind eye to all of those leftovers."
Your Eyes: "A blind what? Oh, that was cruel. That was a real low blow, dude."
Your Conscience: "Step away from the ice box.  Do not piss off the Greek blonde girl."
Your Stomach: "Yah, just tow the line."
Your Big Toe: "Did someone say my name? If so, you nailed it?
Your Brain: "No that was T-o-w, not T-o-e."
Your Big Toe: "Ok, my bad."
Your Hips: "Most leftovers are fine. Anything but cottage cheese."
Your Brain: "I think I will just freeze this food so I am not tempted to eat it all now."
Your Butt: "Thank you Brain. You are smarter than I thought!"
I'm not making this crap up. You all know it really happens. Whenever me and my sisters did not finish all of the food on our plates my Mom would always say that our eyes were bigger than our stomachs.
If you were unlucky enough to end up with a refrigerator full of leftovers the best way to deal with them is to put them in the freezer. That way they won't just be staring at you when you open the refrigerator door for the next week! Out of sight, out of mind. And your conscience would then add.... better yet, out of stomach!
Have a great day!
Visit my website at www.avaaston.com

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving: A Day to be Thankful?

On the fourth Thursday in the month of November we celebrate Thanksgiving Day in the United States. It has been a day of over eating since 1621 when some yahoo in Plymouth, Massachusetts invited the neighbors over to celebrate a bountiful harvest without first telling the wife.
You should have seen the muckery when she found out she was having all of the neighbors and a bunch of Wampanoag Indians over for dinner. She was pissed.... Oh I wasn't there, but my manager Mr. Bricks was. I think it must have been where he learned the art of over eating. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if Mr. Bricks goes to McDonald's tomorrow and orders Turkey McNuggets and a cranberry shake!
Yes, the original concept behind the holiday was to celebrate a bountiful harvest. However nowhere in the history books did this Greek girl ever read that the pilgrims ate and ate until they puked or popped the buckles off of their pants.  They didn't over eat and neither should you. If you do end up eating so much on Thanksgiving day that you have to unzip or unbutton your pants just to breath, then let me tell you that is wrong on so many levels!
First off, no one wants to peek at someone elses underpants after just eating. Especially if it is one of your older relatives who sometimes forget to wear any underpants at all. -- OK, that thought just made me vomit a little in the back of my throat - I am so sorry for the visual. Secondly, over eating is just plain unhealthy. You do not need one slice of every type of pie.
I am wondering why on Thanksgiving Day some families also feel the need to serve a potato fixed 10 different ways? It is Thanksgiving Day -- not National Idaho Spud day! These potato happy families have mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, scalloped potatoes, scalloped potatoes with cheese, baked sweet potatoes, sweet potato pie, garlic mashed potatoes, and on and on with the spuds. I know the potato is a super food, but when you have 10 different types of potato dishes on your plate for one meal, a potato goes from being a super food to a big butt. Don't believe me? Check out Mr. Bricks' rear end next time you see him -- oh dang, I did it again, I gave another revolting visual. My Bad.

TURKEY TRIVIA: There was a very short time in our country's history when Benjamin Franklin was lobbying to have the turkey as our national bird! His good buddy, Thomas Jefferson thought it was a fowl idea and fought Franklin hard on it. As rumor has it, the male turkey is called a “Tom” turkey by Mr. Franklin as a snide reference to Mr. Jefferson's turkey rebuff.

So tomorrow as you enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with your family and friends just be thankful your Greek blonde friend Ava was able to remind you not to over eat so you can keep your pants zipped up. You will be thankful for that. We all will.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Please vsist my website at www.avaaston.com

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Anticipating Black Friday

Seriously, just thinking about Black Friday makes me almost pee my pants. I know that is not very mature of me, but there is something about getting up at the butt crack of dawn, standing in line, enduring sub-zero temperatures just to go shopping that makes me lose control of all of my body functions.
Maybe it is more than just getting great discounts on what I am buying or hearing about hourly "door busters" over a crackly store PA system. Maybe it is actually a genetic defect.
There could be something in my DNA makeup that makes it ok in my Greek pea-sized brain to want to do what I do on Black Friday. I am just glad I am not alone.  Especially on Black Friday I wear my shopping addiction proudly with many other like-minded people!
To me this is no crazier than a grown man wanting to paint their face in the colors of their favorite football team to watch the Superbowl. Can I have an Amen Sister Ava, on that one fellow shoppers? And certainly not as crazy as my manager Mr. Bricks standing in line all night to be the first person to be able to buy a McRib when McDonald's puts them back on the menu.
I do think that Black Friday is like the Superbowl to us shoppers. And like the game of football, this is very much a team sport. Before the big game we all can be found tailgating the night before in the parking lot of our favorite store. Even before that we have to get the Thanksgiving day newspaper which has all of the store ads. This helps us develop the best game plan for the big day. Then there is A flurry of phone calls back and forth between friends to determine whose going to cover what store and when.
You can spot a professional Black Friday shopper from an amateur a mile away.
An amateur is standing in line all giddy still looking at the store ads and talking about what they want to get. That's like a bad poker player going all in on the ante when dealt  a set of aces. I am a professional. I prefer not to show my poker hand. Afterall, we all know there are only so many Keurig B155 Brewing Systems that are being sold at 70% off. The last thing you want to do is to tip-off the Mormon family of 5 sister wives and 17 children in front of you that you want one of the huge discounted coffee makers. Then they could run to the coffee maker aisle and grab all of the brewing systems. People have been trampled to death for things far less than a coffee pot! Oh, wait that was a bad example, Mormon's don't drink coffee do they? Well hopefully you get my point.
Like me, any professional Black Friday shopper worth their weight in salt will have done their due diligence and only show up at the tailgate party wearing their poker face. They will have committed the entire sale's brochure to memory. This tactic also tends to psyche out the amateurs.
Wearing the right clothes is also a very important part of the Black Friday shopping experience. It should be common sense that standing in line is going to be colder than running your butt off trying to find crap that you really don't need. After a few minutes inside it'll feel like the sauna at the Grand Wailea Spa on the island of Maui. Layered clothing is a must.
So you need to start off dressed warm and have layers of clothes that you can peel off and just leave behind. Gather a few old sweatshirts, maybe a hat and an old pair of gloves that you were going to be donating to the Goodwill anyway. They can keep you warm as you are tailgating. Then right before the doors of the store open you can take them off and be lighter and more mobile to navigate the narrow crowded store aisles. Since these are old clothes, you can just drop them right there. There is no need to run back to the car and risk losing your place in line. Besides, this is much better than running around the store looking like Sasquatch in one of those puffy full length coats.
There are other Black Friday survival tricks up this Greek blonde girl's sleeve, like making sure I go to the ATM earlier in the week and shopping just with cash instead of using a debit or credit card.
Each year there is a huge delay in processing debit and credit cards because the demand is so high throughout the day. Nothing would be worse than having a 60% off Blu-Ray disc player and then not being able to buy it because your card's bank lines are down. Besides, the quicker you can check out the quicker you can get to the next store. Cash rules on Black Friday - just sayin'
As a professional, there are other things I could share, but I don't want to tip my hand completely. Afterall, you might be in line in front of me. Right?
Please visit my website at www.avaaston.com

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Packing For A Road Trip

As I was packing the car to head to my Mom's for Thanksgiving, I noticed two of my neighbors were also packing their cars and appearing to be heading out-of-town for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. It should be no surprise because we are heading into the busiest travel days of the year. With all of the muckery and groping the TSA is doing at the airports, I am surprised anyone wants to fly anymore.
Even though I'm not leaving for a couple of days, I still need to start packing now so when the time comes I can just scoop up the four dogs and be on our merry way.
I do not consider myself a high maintenance girl, but when it comes to road trips, well just then maybe it actually does take a little more to maintain my sense of happiness than other people.
I know many of you think I must travel with one suitcase of just my sneakers. The truth is I usually only take three or four pairs with me when I travel, not an entire suitcase full. However, when I go to my Mom's I can get by with only packing two pairs because I still have a pair of old sneakers there in the closet of my old bedroom. They are there with my cheerleading pom-poms and other sentimental things I don't want to part with just yet. Don't worry I am nowhere near as bad as being able to star in my own episode of Hoarders. I promise.
I also have a set list of grocery and must have things that I need to purchase before heading out.
They include:
A 5 lb bag of raw almonds (Actually I always have almonds in my glove box)
And I must always be chewing gum:
10 packs of Wrigly's Extra Dessert Delights Sugar Free gum (Strawberry Shortcake or Key Lime Pie)
10 packs of Orbit White Bubblemint Sugar Free gum
Coffee (always have to have plenty of hot liquids)
Several Chocolate Fudge Graham Zone Perfect Bars
Several Chocolate Peanut Butter Zone Perfect Bars
Multiple bottles of VitaminWater Zero -Grape flavor, thank you
And also because my Mom never has this on hand: A bottle of the Coffee-Mate Fat-Free Hazel Nut Creamer. You don't want this Greek girl to wake up without this to put in her morning cup of coffee - just sayin'

In addition to everything I might need, I must make sure the dogs have all of their crap which includes multiple dog toys, leashes, collars, scarves, kibble, balnkets and dog beds for all four dogs.

Of course along the way there are several bathroom breaks for the dogs (and for me - it's all of that hot liquid and Vitamin Water  I drink.) If I do stop to eat at anyplace, maybe I will go to a Wendy's and get a baked potato and a side salad.
I don't take any magazines or books to physically read because that would make me car sick. I do take along my iPod and a few audio books to listen to. It's funny because as I pack, everything must go into the exact same spot in the car every time. That way I just can glance at an empty hole and realize that something is missing. It may take me an hour to decide what is actually missing, but I won't leave until the missing item is retrieved and the hole in the packed car is filled.
Well, time to get back to doing laundry and packing the car.
Have a great day!
Visist my website at www.avaaston.com

Deadliest Blog

It seems like you can't turn on TV without seeing a new series promoting the newest deadliest something! Deadliest Catch, Deadliest Roads, Deadliest Reptiles, Deadliest Foods (anything Mr. Bricks eats/cooks), Deadliest Animals, Deadliest Natural Disasters, Deadliest Doughnuts, Deadliest Criminals and Deadliest Warriors to name a few.

So I have decided to write the Deadliest Blog....Ok, you are saying, what is so deadly about writing a blog. I am going to attempt to write this without a cup of coffee and a supply of Zone Bars in front of me. Additionally, I am going to try to write this without the use of a dictionary. And to make this a little more dangerous or deadly, I'm turning off the spell check on my Mac. Without all these crutches it might just kill me off before I get this written.

I know, it's like I'm going out on a ledge. But guess what? That's how I roll. I'm not stopping there. Nope, this Greek girl wants to show just how fearless she is. I am going to write and post this blog without having a visual aide. That means today there is no picture, no video or no clip art to help me get my point across. That's pretty deadly I tell you.

In school my English teachers always told me that a picture is worth a thousand words. I have felt that many times when I placed a picture or video at the top of my blog it allowed me to get my point across without too much trouble. That way if the rest of the blog was total muckery, at least you got to see a pretty picture or was able to watch a fun video.

The reason this is also so deadly is because my Greek little head might explode because it is so nerve-racking not having the coffee and Zone Bar support therapy I usually enjoy while I am writing. Not today. It was just me, my Mac and the soft helmet strapped tightly to my head.

Not sure about any other bloggers, but this is not easy for me. Yes, I love to write (a blog, a new song or in my diary/journal) but I do not think I am particularly the best at it. Which sucks because I am so competitive at everything I do. I always want to be the best.

When I have a free moment I check out other people's blogs and I wanna beat myself up because there are some really good blogs out there both on WordPress.com and Blogger.com. I have read some that are actually very clever. I have also read some that are obviously written by a brainiac. I am neither particularly clever nor a brainiac. I'm just a simple blonde Greek girl, remember? I guess you can say, I'm not the sharpest stone in the Acropolis. (Hello, is this thing on? tap-tap, can anyone hear me? Hello, this is my "A" material I'm using.)

Finding the time to write this blog is another huge problem for me. Sometimes I just kind of want to take a day off because I'm travelling, doing a show or filming. However I have found it extremely rewarding to make the committment to myself and to those who faithfully read my daily muckery to try to come up with something new each day.

I would like to think there are people in this world who feel like a day without hearing about Ava's muckery is like a day without sunshine. And if there are, that is a pretty deadly thought - just sayin'




Please visit my website at www.avaaston.com

Friday, November 19, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me!


This is Pookie Aston here. I need to get a few things off of my little Pekingese chest.
First off, I have read some previous blogs that were written by Punkin or as I call her Punky. Most of what Punky said is not true. Punkin is not Mommie's favorite dog...I am the #1 family dog. Look at this photo. Who do you see? Me and Mommie.  Notice, I did not say Punkin and Mommie, I said  Me and Mommie. Personally, I don't think Mommie even likes that red bitch. (for those who are language challenged, bitch is French for female dog) Yes this Chinese girl knows a little French.
Punky said that Mommie treats us bad and that we all want to run away. That is also a big fat red Pekingese lie. There is no better Doggie Mommie than Ava. If Punky doesn't like it here she can hit the road Jack, and she should make sure the door doesn't hit her butt on the way out!
Oh, before I forget today is my Birthday! Yep I'm 8 years old -- That's 56 -- about 46 years younger than Mommie's manager Mr. Bricks. She made me say that. I actually think Mr. Bricks is pretty cool for an old guy.
No matter what any of the other dogs tell you, I  was the first Pekingese in the Aston household.  Did you know we are the Royal Dog of China? Yep. You can check out all about us on Wiki-Peed-ia.
When Mommie got me I spoke a mix of Chinese and English. Mommie called it Chinglish. But now I speak full-fledged doggie English. I wished other dogs that immigrated here would speak the native language...oops Mommie doesn't like when I get all political.
Did you know my Mommie is a singer? yep, she is. She has even written songs about me -- not Punkin. Here is a little diddy she wrote about me:
Peekingesse Power
It's growing by the hour
Big as the Eiffel Tower
Feels good inside
Pekingese Power
You sing it in the shower
It's always sweet and never sour
Makes you happy inside
and so on.....
I love my Mommie's singing. She has a beautiful voice, don't you think? I know most of you have checked out her MySpace Music page, but did you know I have my own MySpace Page? Check it out Pookie's MySpace Page.

Mommie says I'm spoiled. I say no, all dogs smell this way. She has so many crazy nick names for me it's almost embarrassing. Mommie calls me Pook-a-Lina, Ming-Ling, Mulan, Mooch-Chie-Choo, LooLa and Moolie.
So yah, I just needed to log on to Mommies computer and set the record straight from the lies Punkin was spreading. Oh, I got her real good last night.  She was going to hijack Mommie's blog, the one about Hell's Kitchen and make up more stuff about saying the real Hell's Kitchen is where Mommie locks us up for days on end while she is out on tour without food or water. She was hoping by telling a lie like that someone would come take us away.
Well it's not true anyway, we are never locked up like that. Mommie is the best Mommie ever. So, anyway after Punkin had written the blog she asked me how to save it and replace the blog Mommie's wrote yesterday. I told her to hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete. LOL, Punkin is so dumb she believed me and it deleted her post. I laughed so hard I peed all over a pair of Mommie's  favorite Abercrombie & Fitch jeans that were on the chair... Don't tell her it was me, I blamed Itty Bitty and she believed me.
Ok...I'm tired. I need to go take a nap.
Have a good day friends.
Pookie x
PS ~ Feel free to send me Happy Birthday bones if you want to.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hell's Kitchen

Tonight was another episode of Fox's reality series, Hell's Kitchen. For those of you who have never watched it the premise is simple: Invite 10 -12 wannabe head chiefs to be filmed getting screamed at and cursed at because the risotto is under cooked or the scallops are raw. End of story. But I'm not talking about that Hell's Kitchen.

This would be a real red-neck's actual kitchen, and to me that would also be a Hell's Kitchen or a kitchen from Hell, not sure which. Either way, I'm not talking about that kitchen either.

I'm talking about my own Hell's Kitchen -- Greek style. And not because I'm a master chef, because I'm not. Most of the meals I cook are healthy for you and fairly simple meals. Like this one.

This would be one of my yummo dinners that is made in Greek blonde girl's kitchen. It has just the right amount of protein and carbs, everything my body needs to keep me going. Remember when I work out two hours a day, I need to cook the right foods to properly fuel my body. I know not everyone puts cottage cheese on a baked potato, but if you haven't tried it, you should. It is much healthier for you than gobs of butter, bacon, sour cream and cheddar cheese. And if you salt and pepper your baked potato just try and limit the amount of salt. Massive amounts of sodium in your body plays havoc on you when you want to get into those skinny jeans.

OK, so if the meals I make in my own kitchen (or made by my Sweetie) are healthy and no one is cussing or throwing things then why do I consider it Hell's Kitchen you might ask? Let me tell you why. I can explain in two simple words - Mr. Bricks

It seems that my manager Mr. Bricks has some of the strangest eating habits known to man (and some not known to man).  From time to time I send him pictures of what a really healthy meal looks like. He then calls me gagging, saying that the picture I just text him made him vomit a little in his throat. It seems he has these really warped guidelines bout what can be served in the kitchen. Here are a few of his bizarre eating habits and rules about food:

1. No hot liquids. The dude is a freak. Mr. Bricks doesn't eat soups or drink coffee, hot tea or hot chocolate...none of it. I do not know how he even functions without coffee. That alone makes me suspicious if he is really even human.

2. You can not mix food groups on top of each other. That is why he has an issue with putting the cottage cheese on the baked potato.

3. Corn is the only edible vegetable as a side dish. Vegetables in salad can only be tomatoes and lettuce. and it can only be iceberg lettuce in the salad, no romaine lettuce or spinach allowed. Wouldn't you know iceberg lettuce is the least nutritional of all of the lettuces.

4.  Diet Coke is a food group and can be consumed at any meal.

5. Oh wait, another issue is that you can not mix hot and cold foods...I'm tellin' you -- C-R-A-Z-Y.

One time I invited him over for a breakfast meeting at my house. When I thought he wasn't looking I put some protein powder in the waffle mix. I was hoping to get something good into his body for once. Well, I might as well killed his dog. He ate the waffles, but he wasn't too happy about having to eat healthy waffles. He should be thankful that I had even bought pure maple syrup for the occasion. I normally buy the healthy sugar free kind and not the stuff with 10,000 calories per serving. Hey, I am on stage in front of the public all the time and I don't want to have a butt the size of Montana -- just sayin'

No more home cooked meals for Mr. Bricks because it's like Hell in the kitchen trying to cook something that he likes.  That is... unless I go and get a McRib from McDonald's and serve it to him on a plate (but that is never happening).



Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Parking Wars

Thank you for being so inconsiderate you moronic, self-absorbed, pig-headed zipperhead! NEWS FLASH -- the world is not all about you.
No, I'm not talking about my manager, Mr. Bricks this time. I am ranting about the people who feel like they are better than anyone else and are entitled to park right in front of the store instead of a selected parking spot a few feet away.
I am not even talking about the idiots who park in the handicap parking when they themselves have no disabilities. I am talking about the idiots who literally park in front of the store's main entrance.
I believe these are most likely desensitized people who are bed wetters, have a gambling problem,  are addicted to coffee and have a not so secret rash on their crotch and they are so miserable in their own life they want to piss off everyone they see, starting with people at the grocery store.  Again, I know that sounds eerily similar to Mr. Bricks (desensitized, bed wetter, etc) but I am sure, even he isn't self-absorbed enough to feel entitled to park his lime green PT Cruiser in the pedestrian cross walk in front of a grocery store.
You know what really gets me going about this topic? These people have found a way to beat the system. See, they realized if they were caught parking in a handicap spot the ticket could range from $250, $350 and in some cities much more, including the immediate impounding of their car.  However in the off-chance they get caught parking in the front of the store in a "no parking zone" most likely they will be just asked to move or less likely, given a small fine which amounts to a mere slap on the wrist.
In fact many stores do not have any signs or red-painted curbs, so its like a free entitled parking spot in the minds of these egocentric individuals. I'm astounded that they seemed unfazed that the front 1/2 of their car is sticking in the cross walk as they sit there waiting for their cohort in crime to come back from inside the store.
Have you noticed that when you are behind them wanting to get by and honk your horn or try to give them a dirty look as you walk by they will never give you eye contact! Nope. That's because they live in your neighborhood. They are your neighbors, co-workers, your son's boy scout leader, your daughter's soccer coach, or the not so unlikely culprit your local real estate agent -- and they don't want you to know just how selfish they really are. If you are able to make eye contact they hold up one finger (usually the pointer finger) as if to say -- "Oh, I'm only here for a quick minute."  Guess what idiot, so is everyone else. We're all at the grocery store shopping for food,  we're not at the circus having fun! I think maybe someone should give them one finger, guess which one I propose they use?
Another typical ploy these righteous bast***ds use is the non-existent cell phone call. They are holding their cell phones and pretending to talk as if that justifies their moronic place to park. What they are really doing is sending of a message that if anyone wants to complain -- sorry I'm really busy and please don't approach me. Look closely you know it's a fake call because on the other ear you can see their bluetooth and it's not blinking. But if they were using the hands free device you would just think they were a crazy person sitting in their car talking to themselves, so they must use the prop of their cell phone for full effect.
I have found a couple of ways to make sure they park in a normal spot the next time.
1. Start taking pictures of them, their car and their license plate. That immediately will get their attention, trust me. When they start complaining, say Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were someone famous. I now see you are just a rude inconsiderate a**hole! My Bad.
2. Stop directly on front of their car and stand and stare inside the front of their windshield until they finally look up. Then give the shrug of the shoulders, shake your head back and forth, hands flailing in the air and the WTF look with your eyes.
Or here's the best....
3. Knock on their window with a pen and a note pad. When you finally get their attention ask for their autograph. They usually will say what are you talking about?? Then say, well you must be famous to get such an important parking spot! Again, you can apologize for bothering them and say you didn't realize they weren't famous, but instead they were just an inconsiderate a**hole.
I think these offenders need to be sent to jail to have a chance to sit and think about how inconsiderate they have been. Maybe a time in the clink will let it sink in that it's not all about them.
Can you imagine this:  They they are sitting eat chow at their local pokey and everyone starts confessing why they are in the slammer.
Convict #1 - I killed some dude in a fight who was looking at my girl while we were eating our Grand Slam breakfasts at Denny's. I got life without parole!
Convict #2 - I robbed a liquor store, on a Sunday! I got 20 years because I used a gun during the commission of a robbery. It was just a toy gun.
Convict #3 - I kidnapped  someone and tied them up with 3 rolls of duct tape. I got 45 years.
Convict # 4 I was caught illegally parking in front of the Piggly Wiggly. I got 6 months.
Something tells me that dude is gonna have some company and a surprise sleepover in his jail cell that night - just sayin'
I guess sometimes these selfish people can get too close to the store. This is what happened in Bangor, Maine last July. Epic Fail for sure.
Sorry for the bad words and the ranting. I just can not believe how inconsiderate these people are and I have been silent way too long.
Well that's all for now.
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