- Doesn't everyone garden in pink Coach boots? No way I would wear my sneakers out there. Hello?!?
No I am not talking about the movie "Trouble With The Curve" starring two of my favorite actors, Clint Eastwood and Justin Timberlake. What I am talking about is the Greek Girl can be a procrastinator. Oh, who am I kidding everyone is always way too early and I'm on flip-flop time even when it is sub-zero outside. I go at my own pace, not Gangnam Style but GreekGirl Style if you know what I mean.
One thing happened last year and the year before and every year leading up to this year: I missed out on getting my tan-lines in check on Memorial Day Weekend. Why? Because I was behind the curve and didn't take care of the all-important yard work around my yard. Now I know what you are thinking and yes I am insanely allergic to the poison ivy, oak and sumac factory that resides in my yard. For what it's worth when I go outside to work in the yard I might as well have a bubble I can jump inside. I wish I was like the Jetson's and I could create a force field to keep the stuff away.
The other thing I am sure you are thinking is, "why is the great international superstar Ava Aston" doing her own yardwork anyway? Well, because though I am great and all :) I am not an international superstar - yet. For that matter some of my neighbors have no clue who I am. So until this Greek Girl can shell out the dough to have a yard minion come and do my yard up right, I have to keep up my Greek Scootchin' ways.
- This right here is what you call thunderstorm mulch muckery people!
So here's how I got ahead of the curve:
Step 1: Price out types of mulch at all local facilities delivered in bulk by the yard and compare them to the bagged mulch at Lowes and Home Depot.
Step 2: Realize it's going to be a lot of money for the kind I want, and this Greek Girl don't like to spend more than she has to on anything, except skincare, massages and sneakers.
Step 3: Hunt for the Deal. Yep, just because this Maxxanista can't get mulch at her local TJ Maxx doesn't mean she can't still find a deal somewhere else. So I took my Greek Maxxinista skills from what I learned scouring the racks and applied what I learned and found a great deal on Craigslist.
Step 4: Convince my husband what a great deal it is and show him just how much money we are going to save by having to drive 40 miles to the next county to buy some mulch sight unseen. (Oh yeah two times there and back that is).
Step 5: Clean out all the beds around the entire house and make sure no weeds are in sight. If there is anything I can't stand it's "weeds".
Step 6: Locate the cheapest rental vehicle I can to drive up and collect my bargain mulch.
Step 7: Dress like I work in the mines and head out to the local Enterprise Rental where we would have to wait around for an hour while Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum employees can't find the keys to not one but two cargo vans. Then have to drive across the county to another dealer to get a van. (not before this Greek Scootch made dang sure to get a deal and cut the bill in half for our inconvenience.)
Step 8: Drive the other direction across the county to collect my loot with not just one but two vehicles. Oh yeah, I wasn't gonna let a deal go by without getting all the goods. We drove the VW TDI SportWagon and a Cargo van through the woods and hills to Grandma's house we went - almost. Surprised we didn't see Red Riding hood along this trail of muckery.
Step 9: Sort through broken wet bags of mulch that were piled high on pallets and stuff 150 of them into the cargo van and VW. Do it all while trying to stay clean and cute at the same time. Not easy you know.
Step 10: Convince my husband I am not crazy and that this was a really good idea and that he will be so glad I made him do this.
Step 11: Drive back home and unload all the mulch as fast as we can without getting struck by lightning. Oh, did I forget to mention it started to downpour with thunder and lighting as we unloaded the bags? Yeah we felt like two stranded golfers in our own front yard huddled under a tree. Only thing was we had a ho and a rake not a 5 iron and putter in our hands.
Step 12: Race back to the scene of the crime and get as much more of that mulch we couldn't get the first trip in the cargo van as possible.
Step 13: Buy some scratcher lotto tickets and a PowerBall and MegaMillions on the way home just in case. Figure if we win I can say it was all because I am a genius!
Step 14: Race back home and try to not slip off the road in the rain and stall the van at the same time because the gas is cheaper in New Jersey, right down the road from where we live. Did I say I was a scootch?
Step 15: go to sleep and start over in the morning.
- Yes I am wearing two outfts the same day. Doesn't everyone shower and change clothes in middle of a garden project?
Step 16: Spread the mulch all over the beds and make it look real pretty and thank my husband for not putting me in the garbage can with the weeds for making him run amuck for some mulch.
Step 17: Now I can relax and get out my bathing suit to lay out on my back porch on Memorial Day. I can sit and drink an iced cup of Magic a la Dunkins while admiring my newly mulched yard! This way instead of getting Poison Muck I will be getting my tan-line. That is unless I am out singing somewhere cool.
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