Celebrity Matchmakers

Ava the Diva and Eric Cartman - Love at first site

It's simple really.  We all want, need and crave to love and be loved.  Everyone of us, no matter how big, small, short or tall ~ it's a fact of life.  Yes, even if that person you love is animated...  No I don't mean like Charlie Sheen either where everything they do is overboard and extreme.  What I mean is more like Eric Cartman from Southpark.  He is my one true love.  Anyone who really knows me knows this about me, that I have a crush on the little round fat-head.  What can I say, just the thought of him makes me smile.

The one thing I actually do collect is Southpark stuff, in particular Cartman stuff...  My mom has a birthday cake custom made for me every year in the shape of Cartman. I have a Cartman tattoo on my ankle, about five Cartman dolls, a watch, autographed photos from the creators Matt Parker & Trey Stone, a painting that was made for me of all of the southpark characters... hmm let me see what else?  I have pajamas, t shirts, cards, DVD's, oh gosh... a lot of Cartman stuff lets just put it that way.

Yes I know, he has a potty mouth (disclaimer: it's a grown up cartoon ~ I never said it was a show for kids people).  Sure he eats bad.  Okay he is perpetually stuck in elementary school and I know he does still live with his mom.  Not unlike lots of guys out there...  at least this one makes me laugh.  ;D

So, knowing I can't literally be with the little animated bugger, so I guess the next best thing would be to set him up with none other than "Ava the Diva".  So here are a few questions asked before they actually meet and go on their first date:

1. What draws you to Eric Cartman?

Well, obviously the artist ;o)  But otherwise I really like his cute voice and round face.

2. Why should Cartman choose you to be his girlfriend?

Because I am cute, he loves to sing and I have him tattooed on my ankle.  We are perfect for each other.

3. You love to workout and he loves to eat cheesy poofs.  Is this a conflict for you?

Like they say opposites attract.  He can be my yin and I can be his yang.

4. Where would you want Eric to take you out to eat on your first date together?

The lunchroom duh!  I would love to meet all his friends especially Chef!

5. What adventure would you want to go on with Cartman as his girlfriend?

I would want him to be my partner on "The Amazing Race" so we can travel the world together.  We can explore caverns, leap from tall buildings, race through traffic and win a lot of moola.

In the end, I know no matter what Eric Cartman and Ava the Diva would be a true Celebrity Match made in Heaven.  By the way, if you haven't seen Ava the Diva yet go check her out on my Youtube channel.

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo

www.avaaston.com

15 Ways to Make Your Blog Go Viral

Self- Appointed Greek Blog Czar Ava Aston

The first thing they tell you in Blog Writing 101 class is that you need to capture the reader's attention in the title of your post. And right about now you are asking yourself, what was wrong with my noggin on January 1, 2011 when I announced to the world  that I would write a new blog every day, every week, etc? I suspect that your blog writing promise and noggin fog had a great deal to do with all of the champagne you consumed at the New Year's party. But now, you are probably really busy and thinking how much more you would rather be outside enjoying a nice spring day than being a slave to your computer with the daunting task of having to churn out yet another blog.

So I thought I would step in and help out. As the self-appointed Greek Blog Czar I have 15 options of sure-fire blog titles that you are free to use to help you make your next blog post go viral with little effort. These blogs will almost write themselves.

1. Why Lindsay Lohan was nominated as citizen of the year
2. Why death causes loneliness, feelings of isolation
3. Why most cold waves are  linked to temperatures
4. Why winners pay $15,000 to be Charlie Sheen's wing man for 1 night
5. How Justin Bieber got 1.5 billion YouTube views
6. Why most strikes that aren't settled quickly last a while
7. Why Smokers are productive, but their death cuts efficiency
8. How a dog hacking into your computer could ruin your holiday
9. Why A Blind woman got a new kidney from a dad she hasn't seen in years
10. Why Rebecca Black will win A Grammy
11. Why A deaf-mute got a new hearing for a killing
12. Why Police began a campaign to run down jaywalkers
13. Why stiff opposition is expected for casketless funeral plans
14. Why criminals Google their own names more than others
15. Why safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Just slap one of these titles on the headline of your next post, grab a snappy picture and write a few sentences. Done.  Instant viral-ness, fame, fortune, and maybe an invitation to be on Oprah's "Best of the Internet" show.


Or you could just write a blog post like this and watch it go viral!


Blessings ~
Ava xox

Real Life Doesn't Have a Hiatus

In the entertainment business we have a term hiatus and it is often bantered about when talking about the status of a TV show air or production schedule.  Simply put, it is when a network takes a several week break in the normal schedule of a specific television program. It can occur during a season of a television program, or can be between television seasons.

A typical television production and air schedule has a very specific cycle.  For example spring is pilot season, when a network makes several "pilot" or trial episodes of a new show to see if it can find a larger audience than one on its current schedule or a show that is ending. Some television programs also go on hiatus during the regular season so that their networks can reserve episodes for airing during the crucial ratings or "sweeps" period. Programs that "return from hiatus" in time for the sweeps period to generate high ratings, usually include special content in programming such as stunt casting where they have special big name guest stars, like Ava Aston (kidding) or have the writers write controversial and unexpected plot twists or cliff-hanging season ending finales.  An example of putting new episodes of a series on hiatus to air special episodes during "sweeps" period is  done by one of my favorite shows, South Park which usually airs seven new episodes during the spring sweeps weeks, and seven more new episodes during the fall sweeps weeks. I love the character of Cartman and I keep telling Mr. Bricks I want to be a guest star on South park.

Real life doesn't have a hiatus like the entertainment industry does. When life's muckery hits us we have to deal with it right then and there. We can't put on a rerun until we figure crap out. Here are some examples of behind the scenes muckery that caused television shows to go on hiatus until they figured out what to do next.

•  In August 2009, VH1 placed its reality series, Megan Wants a Millionaire on indefinite hiatus when one of their contestants Ryan Alexander Jenkins was wanted for the questioning in his wife's murder. He was later found dead in a hotel room in Canada.

• The animated kids series, Pokemon was put on hiatus in Japan for 6 months in 1997 after the airing of an episode that caused hundreds of little kids to have seizures.  I just hope that no one has a seizure when they see Mr. Bricks in my cartoon series Ava the Diva.

• The 2007-2008 WGA strike forced several television series to go into hiatus.

• The television series 8 Simple Rules was put on a hiatus because of the death of its main star John Ritter.

• And most recently, the implosion and melt down of Charlie Sheen's noggin caused CBS to put the series Two and a Half Men on hiatus.

It would make life much easier to endure at times if we could indeed put up reruns of our life and just go on hiatus to try and work out our problems. I could put up my cheerleading High School days and have everyone watch the Greek girl getting her cheer on and then I would return to normal programming my normal muckery-filled life when I had everything worked out.  But that is not the way life rolls.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

Ava's Words of Wisdom

Here is this week's Saturday Cartoon about Ava the Diva and her manager Mr. Bricks.

I am so glad you all know that this "Ava the Diva" character is totally a fiction of my imagination. It's just some random character I created about a blonde, overbearing, Greek recording artist Diva named Ava who loves to boss her manager around. I have no idea where the idea came from.

So go ahead and grab a bowl of Cap' N Crunch before it is extinct and enjoy today's cartoon.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

When Life Gives You Lemons

So I drove to Upstate New York to visit my Mom and to take the dogs to the groomers and I ran smack dab into the 6th biggest snow storm to ever hit the region. The storm was so big that a state of emergency was declared and everything was closed, including the groomers. So when life gave me lemons.....I shoveled the snow.

From time to time we all have things go so horribly wrong in our lives that we must find something special deep down inside of us as a way to just keep going on. The most important part of those life's lessons is what we do with the lemons that are handed to us.

The old saying is, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."  Well this Greek girl likes making lemonade, I really do. The secret is using Truvia Natural Sweetener instead of sugar! Yummo!

Greek Girl's Secret Ingredient for Ava's lemonade

According to the website Innocentenglish.com the phrase “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” was not coined by someone's Greek grandmother, but instead by American motivational speaker and author Dale Carnegie. Yes, he was the same dude who's mostly known for writing the famous book “How to win friends and influence people” Personally, if you ask me I think the best way to influence people is to give them lemonade duh, winner!

I'm no Dale Carnegie, just a simple Greek blonde rocker chick who loves writing songs, singing songs and writing blogs.  So from the deep dark recesses of my coconut and with a little help from my friends, here are some newly coined phrases:

• When life gives you lemons, be sure to send a hand written thank you note for the lemons, as email thank you notes can appear to be less sincere.
• When life gives you lemons suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!
• When life gives you lemons ask for salt and tequila! 
• When life gives you lemons, make orange juice, then wonder how the heck you did it.
• When life gives you lemons, collect them and one day life will stop and you would have the most lemons ever. We all know the one with the most lemons wins.
• When life hands you lemons make lemonade and find Charlie Sheen with the vodka  and have a party - Winner!
• When life hands you lemons, keep them away from Mr. Bricks he will eat anything!
• When life gives you lemons alter their DNA and make super lemons!!!
• When life gives you lemons just shut up and eat your damn lemons already.
• When life gives you lemons sell them on eBay, you'll make a fortune.
• When life gives you lemons when no one is looking, throw them through life’s window and run away.
• When life gives you lemons make a reality series that leaves a sour taste in the mouths of the viewers like the Kardashians do.
• When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in his eye.
• When life gives you lemons, find a kid with a paper cut.
• When life gives you lemons, sing a song, make it simple to last your whole life long.
• When life gives you lemons, ask for the receipt, you might need the deduction in a couple of weeks for your taxes - just sayin' every deductions counts!

Have a blessed day no matter what life hands you today!

Ava

xox

Winning: How To Hijack A Google Search Word For Free

Recently one of the most Googled words has been "winning" -  thanks to all of Charlie Sheen's rants where he has sprinkled the word into almost every single media interview he has done since the implosion of his career/life.

I find it ironic that the one person who appears to be more of a loser of late, than that of a winner, is able to hijack the word "winning" as his very own Google search term.

This got me thinking at how irate all of those people and companies who paid good money to Google AdWords so their website will come up whenever someone uses the search term "winning" to find that they now come up 100 pages after the bazillion websites who are referencing the quote by Charlie Sheen. And he did it for free.

Typically Ad Words are not cheap. The prices are usually determined by some sort of $ per click. I really don't know how the Einstein behind it calculates it - all I know is that just thinking about it makes my noggin bleed. Quick grab me a soft helmet before my head explodes.

So apparently I see now that if you use any word over and over in an unlimited number of media interviews, in a short period of time - you too can also successfully hijack your favorite word without paying  Google for it.

Here are additional things you can do to secure the successful hijacking of your favorite word when anyone Googles it without paying for it:

• Abuse drugs
• Abuse alcohol
• Have repeated domestic violence charges filed against you
• Marry multiple times - make sure no marriage lasts longer than a Jimmie Johnson NASCAR Championship win streak
• Allow 2 porn star skanks to move into your home to help care for your infant children
• Call your boss a Maggot on National TV
• Hire a film crew to video yourself getting your children taken away by the authorities
• Invite your ex and porn stars to go on vacation with you
• Tell your employer that just fired you that the only way you will come back to work is if they raise you pay from $2 million a week to $3 million
• Program TMZ into your cell phone speed dial
• Leave a paper trail by writing personal checks to a well know Madam who has high-priced hookers
• Admit that your blood type is not A negative or A positive, but is Tiger Blood
• Announce your sobriety method was by closing your eyes and saying it is so

So now you know how to hijack any word someone might use to search on Google.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

Why I might end up on Dateline NBC

Happy Saturday Friends!

My manager Mr. Bricks is trying to grab the headlines away from Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan with what he reveals in todays cartoon. This is the animated video the whole internet is talking about. Watch it and find out what is Mr. Bricks' deep dark secret really is.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

Eating Pancakes With Charlie Sheen

Today is International Pancake Day and Charlie Sheen needs a good Greek slap down. So as I partake in a morning pancake breakfast to celebrate this international holiday allow me to also have an imaginary conversation with Hollywood's newest bad guy Charlie Sheen.

Ava Aston (AA):  Hey Mr.  Sheen, thanks for meeting me for breakfast.

Charlie Sheen (CS):  (googling the Greek Girl) Hubba Hubba, my publicist never told me that there would be other things just as hot as the hot cakes on the menu.

AA: (blushing)  Well geez thank you Mr. Sheen.

CS: (still googling the Greek Girl) Mr. Sheen? Mr. Sheen is my dad. You can just call me Charlie...um, you will call me won't you? I like girls. I mean I really, really like girls. You can look it up on Wikipedia. It will tell you I love girls.

AA: (feeling  uncomfortable) Well, yah, they kinda mentioned that about you on TMZ, but sorry Chuckie, I'm kinda taken.

CS: (still googling the Greek Girl)  Bring 'em along...I've been known to like the extra company wink, wink.

AA: Yah, right  (changing subjects) Mr. Sheen, umm, Charlie...what's up with all of the heavy drug use?

CS: (still googling the Greek Girl) The last time I took drugs? I probably took more than anybody could survive. I was banging 7 gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear. (motions to waitress to bring more coffee, also now google eyeing the waitress)

AA: (disturbed) That's not good. You sure seem kinda hopped up right now. I mean, are you ok?

CS: (still googling the Greek Girl) I'm not normal and Ava that's one thing they've never gotten their noggin around ... If people want me to succeed they should find the most comfortable chair in their frickin' house and sit in it and just, you know, lean back, open a beer and watch the show because it's about to get really gnarly.

AA: I really don't know what you just said Charlie. But, so it is true that you want a big fat raise to go back to your TV show? You were already making Oprah Winfrey money at a reported $2 million bucks an episode. (giggles) I saw that on Inside Edition. So what will it really take if CBS comes crawling back to you for more episodes of "Two and Half Men?"

CS:  (drastic mood change, eyes glossing over)  At this point because of psychological distress, it's $3 million an episode. - CBS can take it or leave it.

AA: Wow, holy crap Charlie that's a lot of money. I wonder if my manager Mr. Bricks could get me that type of money for my record deal?? So do you know Mr. Bricks? Can you pass the syrup please?

CS: (Handing the syrup bottle to Ava) He's a clown. I would fire him. That contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated that earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.

AA: Wow those are kind of harsh words Charlie. Although you are right, he was a clown. But the poor guy has one lazy eye and now you want to totally go Simon Cowell on him. (changing subjects) So what are you going to do about your job then?

CC: I've urged all my beautiful and loyal fans like you Ava who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong. (Once again googling the Greek Girl)  Ava, did I tell you how totally freakin hot your clavicles are?

AA: Thanks for the mention of my nice clavicles Charlie, and about being a loyal fan. Geez, I really don't know how to say this but, I've never seen a single episode of your show. I'd rather watch Hoarders. Hey, I'm kinda thinking maybe meeting you for pancakes was a big fat Greek mistake. I think maybe you should check out a rehab clinic instead of an IHOP. What do you think?

CS: Well, if you think you want to stick me in a bootleg cult with a 5 percent success rate, compared to my own "100 percent" success rate of getting clean by eating pancakes and drinking black coffee you are wrong Greek girl.  I know one of those rehab group's motto is, "'Don't be special. Be one of us." News flash: I am special and I will never be one of them. Good bye Ava. Oh, and before you forget you were going to give me your phone number.

AA: Good bye Charlie and no I wasn't.

CS: Fine then, let me at least pay for the pancakes. (reaching for wallet)

AA: Don't bother. They were free today because it is International Pancake day. Besides, you are now unemployed. Good Bye Charlie.

CS: Good Bye Ava.

Blessings,

Ava

xox

Ava Wants More Fan Mail