- Nothing like a bite of stolen meat to make Christmas Grand! eeeewww!
So, I'm getting ready about to leave and go out to take care of some errands, but I had to check Facebook and my email before I left. I open my computer and on the homepage of Yahoo, I see the Top 10 most shoplifted things for Christmas this year. Now, I am thinking to myself, "who the heck actually does this crap anyway"? Why would anyone think it's cool to actually steal something, let alone steal it and then give it as a gift? How would you feel knowing your Rocking Elmo doll was actually stolen by your mom or dad? Or that you are about to dig into a nice juicy steak that was tucked snuggly around your uncles waist as he walked out the front door.
What am I talking about? Well according to this blog:
These are the top 1o most lifted items this year.
(here they are with my own spin on them)
(here they are with my own spin on them)
10. Nike sneakers. (now I love my kicks but I wouldn't dare steal them. Everytime I went for a run I would feel like the police were chasing me. I like to keep the Police where they belong, in my ears playing on my iPod.)
9. Chanel No. 5 (for real? At least find a smell that doesn't smell like your grandmother. How does the Greek girl do Chanel? Allure, Coco Mademoiselle, or Chance that is how you do Chanel, and for the love of God you do not steal it people!)
8. Let's Rock Elmo (nothing says I love my son/daughter more than a stolen mechanical doll staring back at you from under the Christmas Tree.)
7. Polo Ralph Lauren (knowing they all have security tags on them, I can't imagine a hole in the side of that shirt is fashionable these days.)
6. Axe body wash (seriously? do you need to take a bath that bad? I am sure you can go to any homeless shelter and they will gladly let you shower for free.)
5. Gillette Mach 4 (unless they got confused and thought it was the iPhone 4 I can't see the draw on this one.)
4. iPhone 4 (since I just bought one not to long ago and they had to go to the back stock room to get it, I can't see how you even could do this in the first place.)
3. Electric tools (sure they are expensive but couldn't karma bite you back and make that nice new deck fall on you while you are building it? My conscience just would get to me is all I am saying.)
2. Jameson (where and how do you put a bottle of whisky on your body to walk out with it and not be noticed? What if you slipped and fell? Not only would you be wet but probably pretty bloody from the broken glass.)
1. Filet Mignon (okay, this is just absurd. Who steals meat? I would be afraid to get a belly ache or some echolia poisoning from doing this.)
So, anyway, I head out and get my stuff done. Then I am standing in line behind a screaming kid who is complaining he didn't get anything while in the store tonight. Meanwhile his mom and her friend had a giant cart full of junk, mostly toys. So, in order to shut the spoiled brat up they strolled him over to the baseball and other collector cards and had him pick out a pack. The irony is that this kid doesn't realize just how lucky he has it. First off, he has his mom and clothes on his back. Not to mention he nor his mom looked like they missed out on their last meal, (Jillian Michael's would not approve, just sayin'.) Let's not forget all the toys in the cart just inches from his face. Did I forget to mention that there seemed to be children everywhere today literally bouncing off the wall, I kid you not. Where are the parents?, standing right there... sadly. My noggin was less than thrilled about it.
Then moments later I see a security guard and a cop racing towards the front of the store. Turns out someone was busted trying to steal a package of steak they shoved under their shirt. Inside voice: Wait a minute... didn't I just read about this before I left home today. It reminded me of Dan Aykroyd in that 80's movie, "Trading Places" when he shoved a whole smoked salmon under his Santa suit and tried eating it through his dirty beard. Eeeww gross!!! Seriously, what kind of person does this kind of thing? Here's the irony... The person who was busted trying to steal the high end meat was very well dressed and carrying a designer purse, (which by the way was probably stolen). So the blog I just read was right. I couldn't believe my eyes!
I swear, if people would just wake up and not steal things then the cost of the products would go down. Because of shoplifting the stores have to pay for security guards and cameras. Oh the stupid irony. It's so stupid that stupid people who actually do steal things don't even see the irony.
PS, so I don't have to steal some meat in my designer bag help me reach my goal for funding my Kickstarter campaign so I can make my new album. Just click the banner and give me a Kick! (you get to choose how much you want to pledge. Each pledge has a specific music reward and genuine Ava Loot that I will personally send out to you.)
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