Good Riddance

Let the countdown begin!

Well I was just about to write this weeks blog about the things I most would like to see happen in 2014. Then I happened to be watching the news and heard that Saturday was the seventh annual "Good Riddance Day" in NYC.  Yeah you read it right, I was thinking the same thing, it is not a joke. For real, people actually gathered in NYC's Times Square to say goodbye to bad memories from 2013.  They even dumped actual memories into a giant shredder to destroy them once and for all.  

I gotta say, I wish I knew where this shredder were all these years and that this "day" actually existed cuz this Greek Girl has a few memories of her own she wishes she could put in the hopper and say "Sayonara" too.  Yeah, believe it or not, even I have things I wish I could erase from my brain.  So, in honor of this day I decided to make a hybrid blog.  Instead of just listing the Top-10 things I wish I could erase from my memories from 2013 I will be including a replacement option for 2014 to go along with those unwanted memories.

10. Boston Marathon Bombing.
2014 Replacement: How about - no bombing, anywhere.

9. Twerking, Wrecking Ball and well pretty much anything Miley Cyrus.
2014 Replacement: Congressional ban on Twerking and Miley Cyrus joins Bieber in retirement, wouldn't complain if Lady Gaga joined them as well.

8. GLAAD's crying foul over the Duck Dynasty "Tolerance" issue.
2014 Replacement: GLAAD is disbanded and embraces the fact that there are more Christians than they think, and the Word of God is more powerful than anything they can cry about.

7. Kim Kardashian and her selfies.  Do we really want to see her butt again in 2014?
2014 Replacement: People stop taking "Duck Lip" selfies, they are stupid.  No more selfies in the mirror where you can see the camera you are holding up.  No more celebrity nudie selfies - period.

6. Wolf of Wall Street.  My eyeballs are still burning and it's been almost a week since I saw that debacle of a half-rated porno.
2014 Replacement: How about a little Saving Mr. Banks and Mary Poppins for good measure to cleanse my noggin.  Or better yet, how about bringing back the NC-17 rating since Hollywood is a bit too obsessed with graphic nudity these days. (We actually don't "need" to see everything to get the point) Just sayin'.  

5. The time I took a bite out of that Twinkie and allowed myself to be caught on camera while doing so.  No I didn't have three of them either as my husband would like the rest of the world to think.
2014 Replacement: Low-fat Oreos.  Hey, if I am gonna splurge on sweets it should be good.  That Twinkie tasted like cardboard.  

4. Beyonce's Superbowl Halftime Show.  My eyeballs are still burning from that too.
2014 Replacement: Definitely not Bieber, Miley or Gaga.  I would rather have Barney or Mickey Mouse do it.  No matter what for the love of God, please let it be a real band or somebody who can actually sing. On key preferably, and who doesn't need the words to the Anthem written on their hand.  

3. The Obama Inauguration.  I am still in denial that he actually won... again.  Ask me, it was rigged.
2014 Replacement:  We dig up Reagan. In my world we would have Rush Limbaugh as President and Mark Levin as the VP.  Don't like it?  Too bad, it's my Top-10 list so GLAAD can kiss it.  

2. The millionth season of American Idol. Seriously... how many more sad sappy stories do we need from mediocre singers? Do we really need another "Idols Tour? Good gravy.
2014 Replacement: How about record labels actually doing their job and finding actual talent. There's plenty of it out there, just not all of it has orange hair, crack addicted parents, or missing a limb.   

1. The disastrous Obamacare implementation and rollout.
2014 Replacement: Obama Impeachment. Need I say more?

So there you have it.  As we move into the new year of 2014, I pray and hope for good things to come.  

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xo
www.avaaston.com

Powerball Dreams

It could happen...

It's happening again... the Powerball Jackpot is back up to a near record high.  So even if you don't play regularly, how can you not be tempted to go get a ticket?  Because just like the guy on the NYS Lotto commercial says "Hey you never know".  

So I guess that means apparently the guy who sold us the two tickets in the Poconos on Saturday night that said he just sold us the "winning" tickets was wrong (who knew)?  Time for Greek Girl to get back out and get more tickets.  Only this time get them from the right guy ;o) I pretty much have a good idea about how I will use the loot.  Do you know how you would spend it if you win?  Here is how things will roll should the numbers come up in my favor.  I mean besides the obvious things like paying off my mom and the rest of my families debt of course.

1.  Start my own record label (hello you had to know that was going to be #1).

2.  Give boatloads of money to animal shelters that are near and dear to my heart.

3.  Fund one of my favorite Veteran Non Profits www.operationfirstresponse.org (check them out, they are doing amazing things for our Veterans who need help in all kinds of situations).

4.   Fund one new Christian business every month.

5.  Buy AETV & make sure the show "Duck Dynasty" never goes off the air.

6.  Pay Justin Bieber to never sing again.

7.  Start my own news network with "real journalists" you know the kind who actually report the news vs. talking points.

8.  Buy a strip mall with a Dunkin Donuts, Kohl's, Frozen Yogurt, Wendy's, Subway, a Massage Therapy Spa, Manni Peddi Salon, and a Gym.

9.  Pay chevrolet to start making the Camaro in a Diesel.

10.  Black opps intervention with Obama until he is reprogrammed into a conservative and decides it is best to repeal Obama-Care. (you just had to know that was going to be in there... didn't ya)?

Well there you have it.  This is how it's going down should Greek Girl win the dough.  Good luck with your Powerball Dreams.

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava :D
www.avaaston.com

Out Like a Lamb

Time to see some Lamb weather - just sayin.

Most people who have been reading my blog for a while know one thing, I loathe the Winter.  What you didn't know that?...  Well now you do.  So why do you live in the North East Greek Girl?  I don't know and every year I keep asking myself the same question.

Is it just me or does March seem like it's taking entirely too long to get to the "Out Like a Lamb" part or what?!  Oh it definitely got the "Coming in Like a Lion" part right this year.  Let's see we've had one, two, three, nope make that Four snow episodes so far this March, and it is only March 17th.  Good grief, seems like every time the snow melts all the way off so I can finally see the grass again... guess what - more snow.  Oh goodie gumdrops.

So in case anyone can't understand why Greek Girl loathes the Winter, here are ten reasons why.

1. Too cold to go for a nice long date with my sneakers, the road and my iPod.

2. Too cold for Flip Flops.

3. Mud.

4. I have five furkids (that's dog for those who are not animal savvy). Therefore when five furkids come in from going potty ten to fifteen times a day... there are oodles of paw prints all over the house to clean up.

5. Did I say Mud?...

6. Shoveling snow.

7. Sleeping in the equivalent of an eskimo outfit and still being cold.

8. Outrageous $400+ utility bill every month of the winter.

9.  Greek Girl needs some Vitamin D.

10. Winter is too dang long... Time for some warm weather already!

Here's to March going "Out Like a Lamb" sooner rather than later.  ;D

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava :D xo
www.avaaston.com

After The Ball Drops

Hope everyone has a blessed and Happy New Year!

A long, long time ago last week I was relieved to learn the Mayan's were wrong and thank God because I wasn't done yet.  So, since everyone is so focused on what went wrong in 2012 or what topped the list of worst this or craziest that I figured I would make my own list.  However, instead of focusing on the past, I'm going to focus on the future.  No not like Marty McFly in his Delorean time machine, but the way the Greek Girl wants to see things in 2013.  Well that is besides me getting a record deal (since we all know that is the top of my list, every list). 

10.  Dunkin Donuts invents a protein/fiber blended coffee smoothie that allows me to live off of nothing but coffee. 

9.  Mr. Brick's children's book series "The Rat Pack of Hollywood" make it to NY Times best seller list. 

8.  The UFC doggie-fighting ring between my dog Bobo and the new rescue Pepe comes to an end at my house. ;)

7.  Congress passes a law that bans all puppy mills, and the sale of animals in pet stores. 

6.  My sweetie gets funding and begins production on the first of his many feature films. (I wonder if I can canoodle him into writing a part in for Greek Girl).

5.  Lady Gaga, Bieber, Katy Perry & Rihanna, Kathy Griffin, and Perez Hilton are all cast on a Gilligan's Island remake and are lost at sea and are never heard from again. 

4.  Chevy decides to start making the Bumble Bee Camaro in a diesel version with amazing mileage like the VW TDI, so I can finally buy one. ;D 

3.  American Idol, X Factor, The Voice, America's Got Talent and all other annoying reality TV Talent shows that milk the saddest stories are cancelled and replaced with actual scripted TV, aka Real Entertainment. 

2.  John Rzeznik offers to produce my next album and I get to go on tour as the opening act for the Goo Goo Dolls. (sweet - way to kick of the new year)

1.  There is a recount and it turns out Obama didn't win the election after all. (hey this is my list, I can wish what I want).

Seriously though, I just want to wish you all a happy and wonderful New Year.  I hope all of you find your dreams come true or at least some of them in 2013.  

Blessings, Love & Music~
Ava xo
www.avaaston.com

What Would You Do

$305 Million, that's a lot of dough ~ I'm in!

So it happened again.  What am I yapping about now?  The Powerball Jackpot of course!  No one hit the jackpot for the last drawing, and this has been going on for a while now.  That means that the Greek Girl can buy more tickets with the $8 winnings I had from my last two tickets and continue to ponder what I will do with all the loot if I win the next drawing...

1. Donate boatloads and boatloads of moola to my favorite charities: The ASPCA, The Progeria Research Foundation, The JDRF Foundation, Operation First Response, and The Machine Gun Preacher Ministry in Africa (that's a blog for another day).

2. Pay off my moms house and set her up so she never has to work again, then randomly hand out cash to strangers.  Because it really is so much better to give than to receive. Nothing beats the feeling of seeing the joy on someone's face when you have really helped them.

3. Start my own dang Record Label!  Record a new album, buy a tour bus, go out on tour, and produce an entire season of "Ava The Diva" Cartoons and have them broadcast on Network TV.

4. Sneakers, buy more sneakers... because a girl can never have too many pairs of sneakers.  Sneakers for me, my family, friends, and anyone else who needs a pair who just so happens to be around. ;)

5. Start an hotel chain that is pet friendly in all locations, because fur-babies need to travel too.

6. Send Mr. Bricks to a Opthamologist to do something about that lazy eye of his...

7. Buy a strip mall and fill it with my favorite things. A Dunkin Donuts, a Starbucks (hey - it's MY Strip mall I can have as much coffee in it as I want), a Greek Diner, a Sneaker Store, a Kohls, a Pizza joint, an Animal Rescue/Adoption Center, a Petco, a good Sushi joint, a movie theatre, and anything else that my little Greek heart desires.   

8. Buy a Bumble Bee Camaro... you had to know that was coming, didn't you? ;) Well if you've been reading my blog long enough you would.

9. Hire all of my favorite fitness trainers and rotate them throughout the year... Jillian Michaels, Tony Horton, Bob Harper, Jackie Warner, Brett Hoebel, and Billy Blanks.

10. Give my sweetie all the dough he needs to produce all of his movie and TV show scripts, better look out Spielberg! ;)

Just a few of the things I would do if I win the Powerball Jackpot.  So, what would you do?...  Don't forget to get your ticket - cause like the ad says... "All you need is a dollar and a dream (well for Powerball it's actually $2, but hey who's counting.)  Good Luck!

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava :) xox
www.avaaston.com

I Want A Record Deal Dangit

Come on now, what's a good greek girl gotta do, get arrested?... ;D

Okay - I am done being polite, "I WANT A RECORD DEAL"!!!  Now, I know it's not much of a secret that the Greek Girl wants a record deal.  I also know some of my loyal blog readers may be just a tad sick of hearing me say so.  Sorry, sometimes it's off with the filter and full Greek ahead. As well, there are some of you who may think I already have one and will be surprised to hear I actually "don't".  I know - shocking right?!?  Not really.  For some reason or another lightning just hasn't struck yet.

You may be thinking to yourself, "How bad do you really want it?" Well let's just put it like this.  You can take all the coffee, chocolate, sneakers and Kohl's cash in the world and add them up and you still won't come up with how much I want a record deal.  For that matter you can set me up with a lifelong workout with Jillian Michaels, Bob Harper or even the master himself my workout hero, Tony Horton (the creator of p90x) and I would still say "NO" if it meant that OR a record deal.  I think the only thing I would let come between me and a record deal would be my doggies, but it would be a heck of a battle.

So in hopes to figure out just what is wrong with me and why no-one is offering me that contract, I have come up with what I feel are the top 10 reasons why I don't have one yet:

1.  I don't know or nor am related to a Kardashian, a Hilton, a Trump or any other famous person.  Nor am I married to or friends with one.  So there goes that idea.

2.  Even though everyone says to me, "You should get on that American Idol".  What they don't realize is that it's a show designed to highlight singers with a sad story who "need" to grow in their abilities.  Not to mention oh only about 1,000,000 people audition each season and only 20 can make it.  So it's like winning the lottery. Besides I don't have a fluorescent purple mohawk, haven't been to jail or rehab. I guess I'm just too normal.

3.  That brings me to number 3 - I am too old for American Idol so there in itself lies a huge issue.  For some reason there is the horrible assumption I must not be a viable artist with actual talent because I don't wear a training bra (except when I'm working out of course - jk).  Yeah, believe it or not the industry is age discriminatory toward a woman who would otherwise be considered "new" to the scene and over the age of 22.  If I had a penny for every time I have talked with someone about my music the second or third question is always, "How old are you anyway?"  - Like all of a sudden I won't be a good singer anymore if I am over 22?  For reals.

4.  I don't go on stage in my underpants.  Yup that's right.  You will never be able to see me gracing the cover of any magazine in less than what you already have seen on my Facebook page.  So Hugh Hefner can just hold his call cuz I am not posing - ah-hem Lindsay Lohan.  Just sayin'

5.  I don't believe in selling my soul, it doesn't lend itself to what I consider a good exit strategy.  Something about the whole "sold my soul to the devil" thing just doesn't quite sound like a good idea to me.  Just sayin'.

6.  Because my marketing and online presence is good, some have said as good as some artists who "actually" are on a record label, a lot of people have the wrong idea about me.  So they just assume I am sitting in my McMansion counting my downloads and off on a world tour and therefore don't think Ms. Aston needs anyone to help her out. Eeeehhh wrong answer.

7.  Since I do have my morals and am not out boozing it up and being what would be considered a "bad role model" and therefore won't be selling enough US or People magazines or be on the next episode of TMZ, I guess I just don't have what it takes to be signed to a record deal.  What?  You mean you don't like going out partying and clubbing it up Ava?  - no you won't see any pictures of me yapping it up at a strip club (can anyone say Rihanna?) he hemmmm  Nope not here, not the Greek Girl.  That's not how I roll. ;D

8.  Hmmmm... I don't know anyone in the music industry.  Hard to get to the gate keepers, many of whom will toss your stuff in the trash.  Meanwhile they hook their college roommates girlfriends brother up instead.  This kinda makes it really hard to actually get my music through to someone who "matters".

9.   This brings me to not having enough dough.  Unfortunately for some, money no matter how much of it you have can not buy "talent". See there is such a thing out there called, "buying a deal" it happens all the time.  If you have the money you can quite literally buy a record deal. Although I do have a good presence online there is no way I can compete with an artist on a label. It takes a ton of moola to get music out there enough to make a dent. So there is no way I can compete with labels that have sky high marketing budgets.  You know, it's the same reason why you see and hear a song that you hate and it plays over and over and over.... The powers that be are putting it there and keeping it there, and on the magazine covers, and talk shows, with agents, publicists, yada yada yada. Leaving little room for indie artists like me to get into the game.

10. It boils down to this.  As much as you my fans love me, on the grand scale No-one knows who I am, kinda like a needle in a haystack.  My manager Mr. Bricks used to say I was like finding a classic 1960's corvette with only 100 miles on it.  It's that simple ~ the powers that be just haven't heard of me yet.  So I have to keep putting it out there in hopes that someday, some way someone will soon stumble upon the Greek Girl and think, "hey she's got talent, she's marketable and pretty funny too." then they will want to sign me.

So until then, I am just going to keep plugging away.  It all comes down to this thing I call the "know, dough, show".  In other words it comes down to who you know, how much dough ($$) you got or what show you can get on.  Looks like I just gotta keep plugging away.

Hey Mr. Record Label man - "what about me?"

Blessings, Love & Music -
Ava xo :)
www.avaaston.com

The Final Four

Don't wait till the buzzer to get your final four in

Based on a true story.... (sorta)

Int.  Chinese Nail Salon - Present Day

Ava sits getting her toes done by a cute Chinese woman.
She looks up to Ava and says:

MANICURIST
You want quick dry, one dollar extra?

AVA ASTON
Yes please.
Oh and can I get a ten minute back massage
when my nails are done?

Then Ava's iPhone begins to ring: Ring, Ring, Ring.
She looks and sees the caller ID it's her manager "MR BRICKS".  She's excited and answers quickly.

AVA ASTON
Hello?

CUT TO:

 INT. Mr. Brick's Secret Man Cave - Same

A room adorned with shag carpets and velvet wallpaper with a homemade old fashioned style glowing popcorn machine sits in the corner popping fresh popcorn.  Mr. Bricks is pacing the room on the phone while dangling a hotdog over his dog Sunny who is dancing at his feet.

The TV set from 1982 glows across the room.

MR. BRICKS
"Ava!  Ava! Did you hear the good news!?

Ava nearly jumps out of her skin as she splashes the manicurist with her feet as she jolts up standing in the in the nail salon foot bath.

AVA ASTON
What? What?! Tell me, tell me, tell me!!
You got me a record deal?!?

Mr. Bricks stops in his tracks dumbfounded and surprised Ava doesn't know why he's calling.

MR. BRICKS
No.  No I didn't?
Ava my favorite college team might
make it into the final four this year.
Isn't that exciting?"

Back in the nail salon Ava drops back into her seat again splashing the manicurist making sure this time the iPhone is on silent and put away in her purse.

THE END.

See what I am dealing with?  When Mr. Brick's called me I had no idea what in the world he was talking about.  I have heard of final four before but I thought it was that movie and he later reminded me it was actually the Fantastic Four.  That still didn't make sense.  In my noggin there is little room for minutia and in this case knowing that Mr. Brick's favorite college basketball team might make it to the final four is one of those moments where the delete button in my noggin is pressed - very hard and quick mind you.  If it doesn't have to do with working out, coffee, skincare, animals or of course my music - it's highly unlikely it will make it past my minutia meter.

How can I be so cold you ask?  Well, see here's how the Greek Girl's noggin works.  Everything is categorized.  In my world everything has a place and it's called "away".  So imagine if you will it's a busy place in my noggin and for me to have to store away what Mr. Bricks' favorite basketball team is and why they are going to get into the final four of anything is very unlikely to get past the gate in my coconut.

Now you must be wondering, what was I thinking when he mentioned the "final four"?  Well in my noggin here is how the Greek Girl rolls when it comes down to what "final fours" really matter:

1.  Final Four awards: Grammy, Oscar, Emmy, Tony

2. Final Four sips of my Dunkin Donut's coffee

3.  Final Four minutes of my massage after getting my nails done

4.  Final Four minutes of my 4 mile run

5.  Final Four Trainers Bob Harper, Jillian Michaels, Sean T, Tony Horton

6. Final Four places to go shopping TJ Maxx, Kohls, Express & Abercrombie

7. Final Four size smalls left in the cute little zip-up hoodie hanging on the rack in Abercrombie

8. Final Four places I want to visit Paris, London, Crete, Sydney

9. Final Four Duets I want to sing with Kelley Clarkson, Sting, John Rzeznik, Pat Benatar

10. Final Four things I want Mr. Brick's to do: Get me a Record Deal, an Oscar winning role, in a Hit Broadway Show, my own Award Winning Sitcom. (see rule 1)

See, when I hear final four there are categories that it could have fallen into.  None of which had anything to do with basketball let alone Mr. Brick's favorite college.  I didn't even think he knew what college was, other than "clown college" of course.  Oh well, maybe better luck next time. Let's just say that's what call screening is for.

Blessings, Love & Music~
Ava xo
www.avaaston.com 

Tis the Season to Shoplift

Nothing like a bite of stolen meat to make Christmas Grand! eeeewww!

So, I'm getting ready about to leave and go out to take care of some errands, but I had to check Facebook and my email before I left.  I open my computer and on the homepage of Yahoo, I see the Top 10 most shoplifted things for Christmas this year.  Now, I am thinking to myself, "who the heck actually does this crap anyway"?  Why would anyone think it's cool to actually steal something, let alone steal it and then give it as a gift?  How would you feel knowing your Rocking Elmo doll was actually stolen by your mom or dad? Or that you are about to dig into a nice juicy steak that was tucked snuggly around your uncles waist as he walked out the front door.

What am I talking about?  Well according to this blog:

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/the-most-shoplifted-items-of-the-season.html

These are the top 1o most lifted items this year.
(here they are with my own spin on them)

10. Nike sneakers. (now I love my kicks but I wouldn't dare steal them.  Everytime I went for a run I would feel like the police were chasing me.  I like to keep the Police where they belong, in my ears playing on my iPod.)

9. Chanel No. 5 (for real?  At least find a smell that doesn't smell like your grandmother.  How does the Greek girl do Chanel? Allure, Coco Mademoiselle, or Chance that is how you do Chanel, and for the love of God you do not steal it people!)

8. Let's Rock Elmo (nothing says I love my son/daughter more than a stolen mechanical doll staring back at you from under the Christmas Tree.)

7. Polo Ralph Lauren (knowing they all have security tags on them, I can't imagine a hole in the side of that shirt is fashionable these days.)

6. Axe body wash (seriously?  do you need to take a bath that bad?  I am sure you can go to any homeless shelter and they will gladly let you shower for free.)

5. Gillette Mach 4 (unless they got confused and thought it was the iPhone 4 I can't see the draw on this one.)

4. iPhone 4 (since I just bought one not to long ago and they had to go to the back stock room to get it, I can't see how you even could do this in the first place.)

3. Electric tools (sure they are expensive but couldn't karma bite you back and make that nice new deck fall on you while you are building it?  My conscience just would get to me is all I am saying.)

2. Jameson (where and how do you put a bottle of whisky on your body to walk out with it and not be noticed? What if you slipped and fell?  Not only would you be wet but probably pretty bloody from the broken glass.)

1. Filet Mignon (okay, this is just absurd.  Who steals meat?  I would be afraid to get a belly ache or some echolia poisoning from doing this.)

So, anyway, I head out and get my stuff done.  Then I am standing in line behind a screaming kid who is complaining he didn't get anything while in the store tonight.  Meanwhile his mom and her friend had a giant cart full of junk, mostly toys.  So, in order to shut the spoiled brat up they strolled him over to the baseball and other collector cards and had him pick out a pack.  The irony is that this kid doesn't realize just how lucky he has it.  First off, he has his mom and clothes on his back.  Not to mention he nor his mom looked like they missed out on their last meal, (Jillian Michael's would not approve, just sayin'.)  Let's not forget all the toys in the cart just inches from his face.  Did I forget to mention that there seemed to be children everywhere today literally bouncing off the wall, I kid you not.  Where are the parents?, standing right there... sadly.  My noggin was less than thrilled about it.

Then moments later I see a security guard and a cop racing towards the front of the store.  Turns out someone was busted trying to steal a package of steak they shoved under their shirt.  Inside voice: Wait a minute... didn't I just read about this before I left home today.  It reminded me of Dan Aykroyd in that 80's movie, "Trading Places" when he shoved a whole smoked salmon under his Santa suit and tried eating it through his dirty beard.  Eeeww gross!!!  Seriously, what kind of person does this kind of thing?  Here's the irony... The person who was busted trying to steal the high end meat was very well dressed and carrying a designer purse, (which by the way was probably stolen).  So the blog I just read was right.  I couldn't believe my eyes!

I swear, if people would just wake up and not steal things then the cost of the products would go down.  Because of shoplifting the stores have to pay for security guards and cameras.  Oh the stupid irony.  It's so stupid that stupid people who actually do steal things don't even see the irony.

Blessings, Love & Music ~
Ava xox :D
www.avaaston.com

PS, so I don't have to steal some meat in my designer bag help me reach my goal for funding my Kickstarter campaign so I can make my new album.  Just click the banner and give me a Kick! (you get to choose how much you want to pledge.  Each pledge has a specific music reward and  genuine Ava Loot that I will personally send out to you.)

Click here to learn about my KickStarter.com Campaign and how you can get involved.