Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Collectible Junk

Derek Jeter swings for the fences for 3000th hit.
Do you ever have that itching sensation when you visit some peoples homes?  You know when your skin crawls at the sight of the inch of dust that collects on top of their valuable collection of collectibles?  Or when everywhere you look it's like a museum of creepy porcelain clowns that look like a horror film? Or the 100 framed pictures of Derek Jeter and all of his baseball cards and magazine covers?  Yeah, me too.  There is just something so wrong with the "need" to collect this junk.
Call me the Anti-Horder or whatever you wish but this Greek Girl and her touch of OCD "Offended by Collections Disorder" is about to clean house on some people.  Have you ever seen that commercial where the woman grabs hold of the Swiffer duster thingy and starts cleaning her friends house? Yeah? Well that's me.  I cannot stand it when stuff sits and collects dust on so-called priceless artifacts shrouded in plastic or behind a glass case.  What is the point anyway?  Why have the stuff if you aren't ever going to use it?
Don't get me wrong, I get the point that some people enjoy doing this kind of thing and it's a pastime for a lot of Americans to collect things.  At least if you are going to do it, make sure it's not offensive and blatantly the only thing you decorate with.  I can see it now after Derek Jeter's 3000th hit this weekend, Mr. Bricks will start sleeping with NY Yankee bedsheets.  Oh wait, my mental eyes are burning!!! Ahh what was I thinking?!? That was a terrible image I can never replay in my precious Greek noggin.
Now okay, amazing as it is, I get that if you caught Jeter's 3000th hit you could add it to some collection and let it sit on the wall of your home and show everyone who comes over, or you could have sold it to some other sucker for $250k and then stick your thumb in your buddies eye.  But who in their right mind would pay for that ball? It's just a ball and all it would do is just sit on a wall and collect dust anyway.
I know what you're thinking, "Come on Ava, there must be something you collect?" I admit, I have two collections:
1. My money and it's kept in the bank.  It's not collecting dust, it collects interest.
2. My ticket stubs from the national anthem's I performed for major sports teams.  Those are kept in the back of the closet in a Tupperware container and have no value accept in the memory they serve me.
Call me guilty but at least they aren't plastering the wall or some creepy collection of dust collecting dolls.  Either way, if you are going to have a collection there have to be some simple rules to avoid crossing over into the "Hoarder Zone".
1.  The collection MUST be of sentimental value and not based on monetary value.  It's not like you can retire off that crap anyway?  That is what a 401k is for.  Unless you can afford buying Picaso's and Monet's but seriously if you could, it would be a tax shelter and not so much of a collection to retire from.
2.  If it collects dust it's not valuable enough and must be either sold, donated or tossed out.  No questions asked.
3.  You don't prominently display it or parade it about when your friends come over.  It's like whenever I hang out with Mr. Bricks he insists on showing me his clown collection It's so bad he sometimes walks around his house in his old face paint and clown shoes. Now that is just down right scary!
4.  It must be simple and it must be able to be put away and kept out of site. No dust collectors allowed (see rule #2).
Well, happy day!
Blessings ~
Ava xo
P/S ~ Rule #5 says, if you collect my music you can collect anything you want even if it collects dust.  (wink-wink) http://www.avaaston.com/store.html

No comments:

Post a Comment