Sunday, July 10, 2011
We Can Put A Man on the Moon But We Can't...
I was watching the news when I saw the last space-shuttle launch taking off as we put an end to this chapter on space research blah blah blah. Then it got me thinking, you know sure we got some great inventions out of it: Dust Buster, Joy Sticks, Wireless Tools and moonwalking. But what bugs me is that with all this knowledge we can put a man on the moon but we can't cure poison ivy, let alone create a cream like bug spray that will stop you from getting it. Sure they make a sprayable poison for it but it's not like that is safe to spray on your skin. What was God thinking anyway when he made this stupid plant? It's not like it is that attractive and I can't imagine it would taste good, so why does it have to be poisonous to the touch? Sure okay fine, put it in the amazon jungle or something if you want to create such a plant, but in my backyard? Hello?!? Talk about a cruel joke. Here Ava, look at the beautiful outdoors. You know you want to come out and play - oh but wait, you will pay for it with a summer of itching. Seriously.
Here are a few other items that occupy the dark damp crevasses of my Greek noggin of things we can't do but yet we can blast a rocket into orbit and send men to the moon:
Did you notice that although there has been women astronauts, NASA never sent a woman to the moon? That's because if they sent women to the moon we would not be out collecting rocks and silly things that the boy astronauts did, we would have been out looking for a spa or the nearest shopping mall, just sayin'
We can put a man on the moon but you can't find any employees to help you find anything you need at Home Depot when you need them.
We can put a man on the moon but you can't get a McDonald's employee to sell you a carmel sundae, because "we don't sell it like that." (read the blog it's hysterical.)
We can put a man on the moon but a cop can't tell if I am a drug-dealer or not because I have "tinted windows" (also a hysterical blog).
We can put a man on the moon but for some strange reason the Kardashians are of the top grossing on TV... and why is this?
We can put a man on the moon but I am constantly having dropped calls in Manhattan on my iPhone; you know a device with more technology in the palm of your hands than all that went into putting a man on the moon. Hello AT&T, what's up with that? Can you hear me now?
We can put a man on the moon but women's pants sizes still make no sense. What is a double zero size anyway? Is that code for anorexic?
We can put a man on the moon but Mr. Bricks can't get me a record deal. So I have two words for my manager Mr. Bricks and his lazy eye, "Call NASA"!
All I am saying is that if we can put a man on the moon there are lots of pretty amazing things we should be doing here on the Earth. You know, things that pertain to Earthly things. So I figure now that NASA is shutting down, maybe we can focus on what really matters, you know peace, world hunger, eradicating the world of bed-bugs and body hair oh and of course getting Ava the Diva to appear on South Park with Cartman and finding a way to get John Rzeznik to produce my next record. Just sayin'.
Have a blessed day and Viva La NASA,