Monday, April 4, 2011

Internet to Close for 24-Hour Maintenance

Internet Maintenance Announcement
Internet inventor (?) Al Gore and the current Internet Powers-That-Be are at it again.  They have initiated a yearly maintenance to the internet that will shut it down for a 24-hour period from April 5th, 2011 23:59 EST (11:59 PM) until 00:01 EST (12:01 AM) April 7th, 2011.
Apparently the Internet must be closed down for this 24 hour period of time in order to receive maintenance, or like I just did with my house a "Spring Cleaning" if you will.  Many dead links and abandoned websites on the World Wide Web will be removed, as well as ftp servers that are no longer used. Lost email will also be removed from the system at this time. No surprise, the White House is very interested in this part of the project.
In addition to the normal maintenance that is required they are using high pressure information jets to clear out the bottlenecks that have plagued the internet so greatly this past year. Although the down time for maintenance will cause muckery and be an inconvenience for many people, we all should find a much more efficient and faster internet after the maintenance is done. This will allow people who do not legally buy my songs from iTunes or my website to now illegally download my song mp3's much more quickly.
During the "Spring Cleaning" dozens of powerful Internet bots at key locations around the globe will simultaneously scan the Internet and complete the desired maintenance jobs wherever they may be required. During this time Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and YouTube will be systematically scanning their sites for people who haven't yet added me or "liked" my pages yet and they will be deleted.
To help protect any valuable data you may have on the Internet from possible corruption, The Blond Greek Geek highly recommends that you take the following steps before this 24 hour maintenance period begins:
1. Disconnect all terminals and LANs from the Internet.
2. Disconnect all Internet servers from the Internet.
3. Refrain from connecting any computer, or any *other Internet connection device, to the Internet in any way.
4. Have a cup of coffee and relax.
5. Go to McDonald's and have a nice McRib meal with your family.
6. Unplug the toaster (just in case)
7. Read a book (yah, right)
* The term "other Internet connection device" includes such devices as WebTV, XBox, Wii or anything that connects to the internet for its data.
Again, I understand the inconvenience this will cause many people as they will not be able to read my blog for that day.  However, the great increase in Internet performance you will all experience, after this short period of maintenance will far outweigh any thing that would have come from my Greek noggin and that I would have written that day.
This message comes to you as a belated April Fools prank from Mr. Bricks. Ava is busy filming her new music video "GONE" but will be back to this blog tomorrow!
Have a Happy Monday and thank you for your continued support of Ava and her career.
Mr. Bricks
Manager for Ava Aston

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