Friday, April 1, 2011

Michael Jackson is Alive and Well

Michael Jackson as he is led away late Thursday from his Magic Tree
Breaking News
In what is being billed as the world's greatest showbiz comeback in HIStory it was verified by plastic surgery records that the man living in a tree on Michael Jackson's mother's compound for the past 20 months in the San Fernando Valley is indeed Michael Jackson.
It was originally believed that the King of Pop died on June 25, 2009 from a cardiac arrest. However, there have been rumors and wild speculation that the actual cause of death was brought on by an overdose of the drug Propofol by his doctor Dr. Conrad Murray. Dr. Murray is currently standing trial on manslaughter charges in Los Angeles for Michael's death. It turns out that it was not a drug over dose or cardiac arrest after all, because Michael was never dead. According to a spokesman who did not wish to be identified at Dr. Murray's attorney's office of Cheatem, Stealem and Lye,  said Conrad Murray is expected to be released and exonerated of all charges within the next 24-hours.
Billy Gene, A gardener who has worked for the Jackson family for more than 30 years notified Encino police that late Thursday night someone was up in a tree, in the back yard, and was screaming, "Who's bad?, Who's bad?" The man an eye witnessed described to be a 50-year old light-skinned african male was coaxed out of the tree by officers who promised him candy, toys and bubble gum if he climbed down.  According to officers the gardener Mr. Gene instantly recognized him as Michael, but Kathryn, Michael's mother was quoted as saying, "Billy Gene, the kid is not my son."
Police later learned that the June 25, 2009 staged death was just another in a long string of publicity stunts by the Gloved One to sell records. And it worked in a colossal way. In the first 12 months following his "alleged death" Michael Jackson sold a staggering 35 million albums worldwide. Additionally, on October 28, 2009, a documentary film about Michael Jackson in rehearsal for his London shows entitled Michael Jackson's This Is It was released. Even though it ran for a limited two-week engagement, it became the highest grossing documentary or concert movie of all time, with earnings of more than $260 million worldwide.
When Michael was asked by a reporter from the celebrity gossip site  as to why he decided to finally come down out of his magic tree and reveal himself to the public, a timid King of Pop declared, "Well to quote my dear, dear friend Rebecca Black, It's Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday. Yesterday was Thursday and tomorrow is Saturday, Saturday."


  1. Ha ha, Ava. Have you ever considered doing stand-up?