Sunday, October 10, 2010

My Doggie Mom has me in Lockdown and She Doesn't Care!

WARNING! - This Blog has been hacked by Punkin.
My name is Punkin. It's P-U-N-K-I-N, not Pumpkin or Pumpkins or some stupid name like that. It's Punkin, that rhymes with Dunkin, like where my Mommy gets her morning coffee, so get it straight. Well anyways, I am Ava's #1 dog. I can be #1 because she doesn't have any real two-legged children that cry and scream, so its just us four-legged dogs vying for her attention. In this photo I didn't want to come out from under the covers, well,  because I'm afraid.
My Doggie Mom must think I'm stupid and can't read or hear. Because last night I heard her saying she was going to be driving to New Jersey today. What that meant was she was going to abandon me and lock me and the other three canines in the Clink today. We would be left alone to study abandonology. That's abandonology, not abandonality. Abandonology is the study of being abandonded, where as abandonality is the state of being abdondoned. I just wanted to be sure you understand the seriousness of what's going on here in the Pearl River Clink.
Ok, so then get this load of bull.... after saying she was going to be gone tomorrow, (as if I am deaf and  blind) she picks me up and wants to kiss on me? What the heck? I don't roll like that. I think she might be schitzo (sorry to my mentally ill friends) I just don't know of another way of saying it. In one breath I hear my fate for the next day will be in the Clink and then she expects me to treat her like she is the Mother of the Year....yah right, maybe more like Mommie Dearest of the Year. Hey Pookie, hide those wire hangers from her.
While she is gone today I decided to hack into her Mac Probook and write this blog. I have a lot of stuff I need to get off my chest. Oh, by the way, it was super easy to hack into Mom's computer because she used my name as the humans, really. Anyways, I have also been reading her Facebook wall and herTwitter page and boy does she have you all fooled! She is not as great of person as I have read in your comments. Yah, ok just because she feeds me and the rest of the pack organic expensive kibble, has our teeth cleaned every six months, makes us fancy personalized dog collars doesn't mean I should kiss her butt or tell her over and over how great she is... reading all the nice comments about her on the various social networking sites makes me want to vomit all over the couch. So I just did. You try living with her. It's no picnic.
Almost every day she gets up at the butt crack of dawn to go running. I'm loving it...I like a good 5 mile run like the next Pekingese does....but does she take me running? No...she says that's "her alone" time, What does she think I will do, be a Chatty Cathy and talk the entire run? I'm a dog..I can't talk, hello??? McFly, is anyone home?
I have also read some of the comments where you say something like, "Oh Ava looked so cute on stage last night" or "you're such a pretty girl Ava"...pullllleeeesssseeee, spare me. Want to really know how this sausage is made? I'll tell you. For every one outfit she wears on stage or in public, she spent at least 3 hours and has tried on 47 other ones that were just perfect, until she walked out the door and then she changed her mind and decided she wanted to wear something else. I must admit though, she does kinda have it going on for a rocker chick. But then again, that is also part of the problem. I wished she would quit singing around the house and in the car!!!! We get it. You are a singer. That is what you do. But you don't need to "practice your craft" as you call it, 24/7. Enough already. Do you think a plumber goes around fixing the pipes in the house all day long? No. Does a dentist follow his children around with a drill? No. I love my mom, but sometimes she really just doesn't get it.
Today I finally had a chance to see some of her videos on YouTube. Would all of you just start clicking on the videos so they go viral already....Especially that funny video with that cute, smart Pekingese. Oh wait. I just happen to have a link. Here it is:  Cute Pekingese Video. Wow, that is really a great video. I expect it to win some awards.
I must admit, for as much of a pain she is, she can be an OK Doggie Mom...just doen't tell her I said that, OK? I don't want her to think her little Pekingese Princess has gone all soft on her.
Well, I should log off now. Oh, before I go....why don't all of you tell my Mommy how much more exciting today's blog was than the boring crap she writes.  Oops, did I just say that out loud?
Woof Woof

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