Saturday, October 30, 2010

Paper or Plastic or idle Chit Chat?

Have you ever gone through the check out line at your local grocery store, only to get unwanted commentary on your purchases from the sales clerk?
A few weeks ago I felt like I was coming down with the flu. I had a gig in two days and I didn't want to take any chances of getting sick.  So I made an emergency midnight pharmaceutical run.  After loading up my cart with 12 bottles of Vitaminwater Zero, Smart Water, Airborne and some "EmergenC".  The clerk picks up the Airborne and says, "Does this junk really work? I've been sneezing all day and I think I'm ready to hack up a lung!"  Meanwhile I'm thinking... "Nope I'm just out here buying it so I can keep you company and stimulate the economy"....
One time I was going through the line and I had a half-gallon of lactose free skim milk, Vitaminwater Zero (again. I love that stuff) and a Minute Maide frozen lemon juice, and some "Truvea" brand Stevia sweetener. The snipity sales clerk said, "Oh I see you're on a liquid diet."  Never mind I only weigh a buck 17 soaking weight and the sales clerk was easily line backer material for the Patriots, I'm just sayin'
Then there is always those awkward moments when the 16 yr. old male cashiers like say at Target for instance come across a bra and or panties. I remember a time I was being hit on by one such 16 yr. old male checker, he was using his "A" material on me I could tell.  Flattering as I could see him working overtime to build a rapport with me.  It was all fun and games until the bra & panties started rolling down the conveyor belt towards him. He froze like a 5 point buck on opening day of hunting season. His Colgate smile and continual glare into my eyes was replaced with a frozen jaw and a constant look toward his sneakers. A brazier and some undies made him totally lose his mojo. I think he was just thankful they scanned on the first swipe, other wise he may have been scarred for life.
Last winter I was heading to a birthday party and was doing my part by picking up some turkey hotdogs & buns. (cuz I don't eat regular hot dogs, yucky, just sayin') The out-of-touch cashier told me to, "Enjoy the barbecue." I'm thinking, Ummm, Dude, it's snowing outside.
Makes me only want to use the self-check-out line so I won't have to go into a long dissertation of why I am buying Turkey Pepperoni, Wish Bone Light Ranch Dressing, Strawberries and a jumbo size box of Milk Bone Brand of Dog Treats.  Anyone feel what I am sayin' here?
Have a great Friday! Come back and see me often...I'll be here in the salt mines writing away.

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