Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hell's Kitchen

Tonight was another episode of Fox's reality series, Hell's Kitchen. For those of you who have never watched it the premise is simple: Invite 10 -12 wannabe head chiefs to be filmed getting screamed at and cursed at because the risotto is under cooked or the scallops are raw. End of story. But I'm not talking about that Hell's Kitchen.

This would be a real red-neck's actual kitchen, and to me that would also be a Hell's Kitchen or a kitchen from Hell, not sure which. Either way, I'm not talking about that kitchen either.

I'm talking about my own Hell's Kitchen -- Greek style. And not because I'm a master chef, because I'm not. Most of the meals I cook are healthy for you and fairly simple meals. Like this one.

This would be one of my yummo dinners that is made in Greek blonde girl's kitchen. It has just the right amount of protein and carbs, everything my body needs to keep me going. Remember when I work out two hours a day, I need to cook the right foods to properly fuel my body. I know not everyone puts cottage cheese on a baked potato, but if you haven't tried it, you should. It is much healthier for you than gobs of butter, bacon, sour cream and cheddar cheese. And if you salt and pepper your baked potato just try and limit the amount of salt. Massive amounts of sodium in your body plays havoc on you when you want to get into those skinny jeans.

OK, so if the meals I make in my own kitchen (or made by my Sweetie) are healthy and no one is cussing or throwing things then why do I consider it Hell's Kitchen you might ask? Let me tell you why. I can explain in two simple words - Mr. Bricks

It seems that my manager Mr. Bricks has some of the strangest eating habits known to man (and some not known to man).  From time to time I send him pictures of what a really healthy meal looks like. He then calls me gagging, saying that the picture I just text him made him vomit a little in his throat. It seems he has these really warped guidelines bout what can be served in the kitchen. Here are a few of his bizarre eating habits and rules about food:

1. No hot liquids. The dude is a freak. Mr. Bricks doesn't eat soups or drink coffee, hot tea or hot chocolate...none of it. I do not know how he even functions without coffee. That alone makes me suspicious if he is really even human.

2. You can not mix food groups on top of each other. That is why he has an issue with putting the cottage cheese on the baked potato.

3. Corn is the only edible vegetable as a side dish. Vegetables in salad can only be tomatoes and lettuce. and it can only be iceberg lettuce in the salad, no romaine lettuce or spinach allowed. Wouldn't you know iceberg lettuce is the least nutritional of all of the lettuces.

4.  Diet Coke is a food group and can be consumed at any meal.

5. Oh wait, another issue is that you can not mix hot and cold foods...I'm tellin' you -- C-R-A-Z-Y.

One time I invited him over for a breakfast meeting at my house. When I thought he wasn't looking I put some protein powder in the waffle mix. I was hoping to get something good into his body for once. Well, I might as well killed his dog. He ate the waffles, but he wasn't too happy about having to eat healthy waffles. He should be thankful that I had even bought pure maple syrup for the occasion. I normally buy the healthy sugar free kind and not the stuff with 10,000 calories per serving. Hey, I am on stage in front of the public all the time and I don't want to have a butt the size of Montana -- just sayin'

No more home cooked meals for Mr. Bricks because it's like Hell in the kitchen trying to cook something that he likes.  That is... unless I go and get a McRib from McDonald's and serve it to him on a plate (but that is never happening).



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