Thank you for being so inconsiderate you moronic, self-absorbed, pig-headed zipperhead! NEWS FLASH -- the world is not all about you.
No, I'm not talking about my manager, Mr. Bricks this time. I am ranting about the people who feel like they are better than anyone else and are entitled to park right in front of the store instead of a selected parking spot a few feet away.
I am not even talking about the idiots who park in the handicap parking when they themselves have no disabilities. I am talking about the idiots who literally park in front of the store's main entrance.
I believe these are most likely desensitized people who are bed wetters, have a gambling problem, are addicted to coffee and have a not so secret rash on their crotch and they are so miserable in their own life they want to piss off everyone they see, starting with people at the grocery store. Again, I know that sounds eerily similar to Mr. Bricks (desensitized, bed wetter, etc) but I am sure, even he isn't self-absorbed enough to feel entitled to park his lime green PT Cruiser in the pedestrian cross walk in front of a grocery store.
You know what really gets me going about this topic? These people have found a way to beat the system. See, they realized if they were caught parking in a handicap spot the ticket could range from $250, $350 and in some cities much more, including the immediate impounding of their car. However in the off-chance they get caught parking in the front of the store in a "no parking zone" most likely they will be just asked to move or less likely, given a small fine which amounts to a mere slap on the wrist.
In fact many stores do not have any signs or red-painted curbs, so its like a free entitled parking spot in the minds of these egocentric individuals. I'm astounded that they seemed unfazed that the front 1/2 of their car is sticking in the cross walk as they sit there waiting for their cohort in crime to come back from inside the store.
Have you noticed that when you are behind them wanting to get by and honk your horn or try to give them a dirty look as you walk by they will never give you eye contact! Nope. That's because they live in your neighborhood. They are your neighbors, co-workers, your son's boy scout leader, your daughter's soccer coach, or the not so unlikely culprit your local real estate agent -- and they don't want you to know just how selfish they really are. If you are able to make eye contact they hold up one finger (usually the pointer finger) as if to say -- "Oh, I'm only here for a quick minute." Guess what idiot, so is everyone else. We're all at the grocery store shopping for food, we're not at the circus having fun! I think maybe someone should give them one finger, guess which one I propose they use?
Another typical ploy these righteous bast***ds use is the non-existent cell phone call. They are holding their cell phones and pretending to talk as if that justifies their moronic place to park. What they are really doing is sending of a message that if anyone wants to complain -- sorry I'm really busy and please don't approach me. Look closely you know it's a fake call because on the other ear you can see their bluetooth and it's not blinking. But if they were using the hands free device you would just think they were a crazy person sitting in their car talking to themselves, so they must use the prop of their cell phone for full effect.
I have found a couple of ways to make sure they park in a normal spot the next time.
1. Start taking pictures of them, their car and their license plate. That immediately will get their attention, trust me. When they start complaining, say Oh, I'm sorry I thought you were someone famous. I now see you are just a rude inconsiderate a**hole! My Bad.
2. Stop directly on front of their car and stand and stare inside the front of their windshield until they finally look up. Then give the shrug of the shoulders, shake your head back and forth, hands flailing in the air and the WTF look with your eyes.
Or here's the best....
3. Knock on their window with a pen and a note pad. When you finally get their attention ask for their autograph. They usually will say what are you talking about?? Then say, well you must be famous to get such an important parking spot! Again, you can apologize for bothering them and say you didn't realize they weren't famous, but instead they were just an inconsiderate a**hole.
I think these offenders need to be sent to jail to have a chance to sit and think about how inconsiderate they have been. Maybe a time in the clink will let it sink in that it's not all about them.
Can you imagine this: They they are sitting eat chow at their local pokey and everyone starts confessing why they are in the slammer.
Convict #1 - I killed some dude in a fight who was looking at my girl while we were eating our Grand Slam breakfasts at Denny's. I got life without parole!
Convict #2 - I robbed a liquor store, on a Sunday! I got 20 years because I used a gun during the commission of a robbery. It was just a toy gun.
Convict #3 - I kidnapped someone and tied them up with 3 rolls of duct tape. I got 45 years.
Convict # 4 I was caught illegally parking in front of the Piggly Wiggly. I got 6 months.
Something tells me that dude is gonna have some company and a surprise sleepover in his jail cell that night - just sayin'
I guess sometimes these selfish people can get too close to the store. This is what happened in Bangor, Maine last July. Epic Fail for sure.
Sorry for the bad words and the ranting. I just can not believe how inconsiderate these people are and I have been silent way too long.
Well that's all for now.
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