Friday, November 5, 2010

How to Fake out Santa Claus: Making the Nice list

Ok, don't send me hate mail for writing a Christmas blog in early November, but there is a reason. And I promise you won't have any Christmas carols stuck in your head after reading this. Maybe a few visions of dancing sugar plums, but no carols. I promise.
Now is the time of year when we all start thinking about Christmas gifts. Not always so much what we are giving others, but more about what we want. We need to start early because we were told as children that Santa Claus knows when you are naughty or nice and quite frankly, speaking only for myself, some of us need to make up for lost's been a full year.
I can look back and laugh now because of how often my parents used the naughty or nice ploy to get their unruly daughter to behave when out in public. It is trickery many parents resort to get their own children to eat their vegetables, do house chores, make their bed or clean up their rooms. It was used on me often to quit beating up my sisters. Ever see four little Greek girls fight? It wasn't pretty. I remember one time I was midstream of a good hairpull at the shopping mall when I heard my questioning Mom ask, "Ava...What do you think Santa Claus is doing right now young lady? (pause), -- He's adding your name to the naughty list, that's what he's doing." I loved it when she not only asked a question, but when she also answered it in the same breath like that. Classic parent manipulation 101.
Of course I know now that was just a load of crap, but I did buy into it hook, line and sinker back then. I wasn't much of a gambler back then as a 4-year old, nor am I much one now, but I wasn't willing to risk not getting a slinky and other toys I wanted delivered under the tree. So I would always immediately tow the line.
But now, a couple of years later (wink, wink) I am still in the mantra of wanting to please a non-existent fat man in outlandish clothing.  Ha Ha, a fat man in outlandish clothing, that sounds like I'm talking about my manager, Mr. Bricks, doesn't it? So without risking the things I want under the tree this year I need to fake out the big guy.  So here goes:
Santa -- That wasn't me that left that door ding on that BMW.
Santa -- I have never accessed my neighbor's wi-fi.
Santa -- What? You mean I didn't leave a tip to that rude waitress at the diner? My bad.
Santa -- I think Mr. Bricks is the best manager ever.
Santa -- It just looked like a scowl at the nice policeman, I was smiling, really I was.
Santa -- Doesn't everyone take and eat a few grapes while in the produce section?
Santa -- I thought those were my seats at the Heart-Red Velvet Tour  concert. Someone must of switched my tickets when I wasn't looking.
and finally....
Santa -- Have I ever told you how sexy you look in that red and white crushed velvet suit of yours? Mrs. Claus is a very lucky woman!
Fa la la la la and Blessings,

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