Friday, November 12, 2010

Ava, You are getting Sleepy!

I am convinced today that the airports are not the only places were body scanners are being used. I believe they are also hidden in the walls of the shopping malls. Without the use of the x-ray technology from a body scanner and other shenanigans how then could the department store know exactly how much money I had in my purse? I also had tucked an extra $20 bill in the back pocket of my jeans, just in case. Some how they knew I had that as well.
I set out on a simple shopping mission yesterday. I was trying to find a long sleeve printed t-shirt that I could wear along with jeans and a vest to an upcoming audition. I was told by my manager Mr. Bricks not to wear anything "too dressy" to the audition  It appears that Mr. Bricks has now become the fashion police and is telling me what not to wear! I just need to say having Mr. Bricks tell me what not to wear is kinda like the kettle calling the pot black. He needs to look in the mirror at his 1978  circa disco wardrobe before he opens his pie hole about what looks good on me -- just sayin'
So, I was figuring maybe I could find a cute shirt on a clearance rack -- because that's how this Greek girl rolls -- thinking I'd spend only $12...$15 or maybe $20 tops.  Then I'd be back to the car and on my way to Starbucks for a treat. Simple as 1-2-3.
That is NOT what happened. Because of my petite size, I usually like to shop in the kid's department and sometimes I can find some really cool things. However, somewhere between girls accessories and girls shoes, en route to the Young Misses department I was hypnotised. Yep hypnotised!

Ava you are getting sleepy... You are getting very sleepy Ava...very, very sleepy
Seriously, all of a sudden I was looking for crap I originally had no intentions of buying until my Greek little mind was taken over. Oh, the stores say they don't do that subliminal stuff, but you can't fool the Blonde one, I know they do.  I really don't remember everything that happened after that. However, this is what I vaguely recall the Retail Store Hypnotist (RSH) saying to me:
RSH: "Oh, look at those cute little black boots Ava! They would go great with that silver belt on aisle 12 and along with that blue scarf right over Ava, look to your right...yes, over there... yah..that's like it, don't you Ava?
Me: OMG -- I love this blue scarf!
RSH:  "I knew you would Ava....don't forget that silver belt on aisle 12."
Me:  Dang..look at those wicked boots. I must have them. I wonder if they have my size.
RSH: Of course we do Ava...don't forget that belt!!
ME: Gosh, Now I also really need something like a silver belt to go with these boots and this new blue scarf.
RSH: "Yes, that's what I said...check out Aisle 12"
ME: Let me go look in Aisle 13 it's the belt department.
RSH: "No Ava, No. It's aisle 12. NOT 13."
MEOh, look at that! Hmm. I must be psychic or something. Right here in Aisle 13 is a perfect silver belt, just like I was thinking!.
RSH: Oops, my bad. Aisle 13 it was. What do you want from me? I'm a hypnotist not a psychic.
MEOh,'s $13 and the scarf is $17  and the boots were $110, I only have $150. I hope I can find a t-shirt on clearance for $10.
RSH: Don't forget the $20 in your back pocket Ava.
ME: Hey wait, No worries, I also put that $20 in my back pocket, just in case. It's my lucky day!
RSH: You can say that again.
ME: Hey wait, No worries, I also put that $20 in my back pocket, just in case. It's my lucky day!
RSH: No, I didn't mean to repeat it Ava... I was just saying...oh never mind!
ME: What? I don't understand.
SC: Can I help you Miss?
ME: No, I'm just having a Blonde moment, I think.
SC: Ok. And let me also remind you, everything is 20% off today for the Veterans Day sale!
Me: Really?  Do you take American Express?
SC: Yes we do!!
And then I woke up. But it was too late I had already picked out a shopping cart full of new clothes. And now I feel so refreshed and happy.

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