Thursday, February 24, 2011

How To Break Up With A Snowman

Mr. Snowman in Happier Times
Dear Mr. Snowman:
You were kinda cute when I first met you way back in November. In the beginning I liked you because you were a cool guy. Normally you do not come to New York City and visit me that early in the year, but after a long hot summer, I was really happy to see you again!
As always, you have a knack at making Christmas seem more like Christmas when you are hanging around during the month of December. I hope you liked the new red scarf. I knitted it myself for you. And I love how you joked with me about taking your eyes and putting them into my stocking for being a bad Greek Girl this year. You really know how to make me laugh Mr. Snowman. You we're kidding weren't you?
I was happy to have you spend New Year's Eve with me. It's always nice to welcome in the New Year with an old friend like you. I just wished we did not have to spend the entire night out side. I froze my noggin off. I do not understand why you did not want to come inside and enjoy the warm crackling fire I had built!
Normally you leave and come back a couple of times throughout January. However, this year you felt the need to stick around - every frikin day!!  Things changed during January between you and me. You turned very cold on me so I tried to break it off with you several times. But each morning I would open my blinds and there you were. Are you stalking me Mr. Snowman? I thought you would get the hint and leave when you would see Mr. Sunshine visit my house. I would even lace up my sneakers and go for a quick run with him. But no. When I came back from that refreshing brisk January run with Mr. Sunshine, to my surprise, you were still there.
As we wind down the month of February I honestly can say I am so over you Mr. Snowman. My love for you faded weeks ago. I can no longer even stand to look at you. What did I ever see in you? You need a nose job Mr. Snowman, that carrot looks stupid it has rotted and turned green. Over the past month your right eye has shifted. You now look like my manager Mr. Bricks with one lazy eye. I despise you Mr. Snowman.

In case you did not get the memo Mr. Snowman I am now in love with Mr. Sunshine. He is hot, you are not - just sayin'  I really want you out of my life! I hate you right now. I wish you would die Mr. Snowman.
All my love,

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