Thursday, June 9, 2011

How To Beat High Gas Prices Without Losing Your Dignity

Want 99¢ a gallon gas?   Psyche!
It's summer time. So you go to the gas pump and you want to fill up. But then your realize your credit cards are maxed out and you only have $310.43 left in your checking account, which is not enough for a full tank of gas. S0, to help you with the pain at the pump, I have christened myself as the Czar of  High Insane Prices (CHIP). So sit back and allow the Greek girl to help you get through all of this gas price insanity!
Just Say No
When you have that friend who always seems to want to bum a ride to the store or wants you to take them to airport for the 30th time this year, just say no. You just saved $100 by putting the moocher in his place.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
It's almost summer time. Ride your bicycle to work for a month instead of driving. When your co-workers are gossiping and joking about who might be the pin head who rode their bicycle to work, don't ask, don't tell. Laugh all the way to the bank as you deposit the $250 you saved.
No Kids Left Behind
Sure they can be left behind, just don't forget to feed 'em. I just saved you $400 you would have spent on gas by encouraging you to NOT run errands all summer for your ungrateful kids. Remind them that they can get to where ever they need to go on the mountain bike they "had to have" 3 years ago, but that they never used. When they are whining, (and you know they will) then this is an excellent time to lay into the story about "when you were young..." Feel free to embellish as much as you want (ie, no shoes, walk six miles, no internet or cell phones, walk to school in 3 feet of snow, walked uphill, no food for weeks, etc ) this will help get your point across.
There's No Place Like Home, There's No Place Like Home
And imagine how it'll look when you weed the garden and slap a fresh coat of paint on it, because that's what you can do during your vacation this summer. Why waste all of that money on gas by driving to go see relatives that make your noggin twitch after the 2nd day. Stay home and knock off a few of those home improvement projects you have been putting off since the Bush administration (the first Bush administration).   I just saved you $500 in gas money and $2.99 on money for ear plugs to tune out your weird Uncle Harold.
I'm Lovin' It
And you will be lovin' it to when you just let the CHIP's fall where they may and add up all of the money you saved!

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