Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I Wanna Kick Chuck Norris' Butt

Ava Aston: The Greek Tomb Raider
I feel just a little bad saying I wanna kick the butt of a 71-year old man, because that would be elder abuse. But since the senior citizen in question is none other than Mr. "Tough Guy" Chuck Norris, I feel more justified. After all, if I don't kick his, he won't think twice about kicking my little Greek butt to Athens and back.
So do I really want to get into an altercation with the Chuckster? No, not really. However, what I seriously want is a great role in an action flick or action TV series where I can play a strong take-no-prisoners girl who fights her own battles and kicks some serious bootie. Think of me as a Blonde Lara Croft: Tomb Raider in training.
I think Hollywood is not writing enough action adventure films where the main character is a female, in fact they are really far and few between. All of the time on both the silver screen and on television it is usually all about a tough dude, and if there is a chick around, she is just an accomplice or a skanky girl friend. Very rarely is the girl the main butt-kicker. I want to change that. So, as an actress and as the newly self-appointed Czar of Action Movies I have put into development ("green-lighted" for those of you in the industry and in the know) a series of sequels to high profile action adventure flicks, and like a good reality series, there will be some really great plot twists.
Rocky XVX: Italy vs Greece
In the latest update of this classic Rocky franchise film, Ava the Greek is the first woman invited into the ring against the Italian Stallion and let's just say that Philadelphia's famous Liberty Bell is not the only bell that is rung.
Missing in Action 5: Operation Lazy Eye
In the long awaited fifth installment of the Missing in Action film series, a blonde recording artist decides to use her martial skills to influence her manager to finally get her a record deal. The manager will be played by Chuck Norris.
Avatar 3, Ava-Star 4: Winner Takes All
James Cameron's newest installment of an epic battle for the fate of Pandora pits the local tribe of Na'vi against recording star Ava in the first funky rock and roll action adventure since The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai  (Available on Netflix).
Terminator 6: Kalifornia Dreamin'
Arnold Schwarzenegger tries to reprise his role of  The Terminator but realizes that there's a new sheriff in town and it's a Greek Blonde girl. The movie will spawn a new catch phrase from The Terminator, "Maybe I won't be back"
Men in Black, A Greek Girl in Light Blue
Move over Will Smith. Light blue is the new black. An inter-struggle of the top-secret organization truly establishes that there is not just alien activity on Earth, but that Men are from Mars and Women are from Greece.
So do I want to kick Chuck Norris' butt? Well,  I really don't want to but if the script says so, sure why not. I'm an actress and I do what the director tells me to do.
PS. Happy Belated 71rst Birthday Chuck!

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