Monday, May 16, 2011

My Allergies Were So Bad I Was In A Coma

This has been one of the worst allergy seasons for many people across the country. This Greek girl included.  I am unsure how long it is going to last, but according to this map today is going to be another day of sneezing, scratching my eye balls out and hacking up a lung. Oh, joy I can not wait.
According to the dude on the TV who gets paid a lot of money to be wrong at least 50% of the time when he predicts the weather, this year's seasonal allergies were going to be really bad because there was so much rain and snow and that means there will be a higher than normal pollen count. (There are a thousand factory workers at the Kleenex factory jumping up and down with this new added job security) I am not sure if that was a scientific observation from him or if he just happened to see 5 people in front of him at the Piggly Wiggly buying Benadryl and tissues.
One of my fans sent me an email and said that their sinuses were so bad that they were in a coma this winter. A coma? For reals? That would suck. Maybe I should be thankful I am able to get relief by drilling holes into my nostrils with a cordless drill and wearing the silly sticky things across my nose at night and not in a pollen induced coma.
Why do I think this picture of me will be in next week's National Enquier with the headline, "Ava Aston On Allergy Death Bed." And then they would run a bogus story about how I had to give away 3 of my four dogs because they were toxic to me. Nope, I'm not allergic to my fur-babies - just allergic to pollen and the National Enquier - just sayin'.
Wanna know the real sad thing about my allergies? Ok, I eat extremely healthy, drink a ton of water (or Vitamin Water Zero), I  work out 1 -2 hours a day and often run up to 5 miles a day....yet some silly tree pollen can have me down for the count and bed ridden when my manager Mr. Bricks goes about his life drinking Diet Coke like it is holy water and eating McDonalds McRibs like they are the holy sacrament and yet he is not affected at all by this or any other allergy season.
The real trick is to add a whole lot of spicy food and even onions to your diet, because adding these foods to your diet brings relief.  Wait  a second, the McRib has spicy barbecue sauce and onions.... Maybe I, forget it, I will continue on with my inability to breath and sleeping with a sticky thing across my nose before I ever bite into a McRib. That is just too gross.
I was also surprised to find out that during allergy season many doctors recommend from not drinking milk or eating dairy products. They said that milk and dairy products increase mucus production in people even if they do not have a milk allergy. I guess, without getting really gross, the dairy makes the mucus thicker creating a perfect environment for bacteria and allergens to thrive.
So put down that milk shake and string cheese and things will get better. Aren't you glad you read my blog today?
Dr. Ava
PS: I'm not really a doctor but I will play one on TV or in a movie of someone hires me to.

1 comment:

  1. Every heard of using honey produced from bees in your area to reduce symptoms?